Question

How do I respond tactfully to my 17 yo daughter who thinks I’m doing everything wrong and that I’m here with this “diet” bc I’m just fat and lazy?  

Answer 1

1st off, stop the disrespect immediately

Answer 2

Well. this is what I do with my teen. I just agree with everything he says. I’m like yep. it’s the worst, I know right I can’t believe I’m even doing it yada yada. anytime he asks a question that is not intended for positive communication I simply answer. so we can argue. I mean if you steal their thunder  or u could simply have a conversation that’s educational but I’ve tried that too.  you do you boo ❤️

Answer 3

I’d just say thanks for your opinion, if you’d like to support me I’d love it.  

Answer 4

You can simply just answer over and over “I guess we’ll see. ” And then don’t engage in any back and forth. Show her instead by sticking to it every day and proving her wrong. In 4-6 months she will see a whole new you and she will learn from your determination and self love and self care. She will then respect that.  

Answer 5

That you are the parent and adult and she should respect you

Answer 6

First of all, your not fat and lazy . 17 YO just think they know it all. I was 17 once. When my son would talk negative (which luckily it wasn’t often) I would turn it into a positive remark. My parents taught us, if you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all. Maybe you should tell her that. Ignoring the statements work well also. Kids do not like the silent treatment. Good luck and I hope this works. I’m so glad your on this journey with us all.  

Answer 7

Give her a hug

Answer 8

Don't engage. Someone is bored and looking for a fight, not a conversation. Don't give it to them. Either go temporarily deaf or give them the same exact answer every time until they tire of attacking / questioning your choices. "Thank you for your support, honey. " Rinse and repeat. You've got this!  

Answer 9

Shes 17. Shes looking for a fight. Your the mother. Your not her friend

Comments

@everett Yes! Literal speech I gave my 16-year-old a couple months ago, “I don’t tolerate bullying in my house and will punish accordingly. You live in my house, you treat me like a human being. Period. ” You can’t reason with hormones.  

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Btw, punishment in my household is “We take your phone, you can’t spend any time in your room. You have to spend all of your waking hours downstairs with your parents. Watch what we watch. Talk about what we talk about. Clean when we clean. Even your homework has to be done at the kitchen counter. ” We only had to impose it once. (Sad when spending “quality” time with the parentals is punishment. )

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@dynamometry0 ohhh I like that !  

Answer 10

Just smile and say OK. She'll see the results and her sassy mouth will keep you on plan. Lol

Answer 11

17 years old, been there, this too shall pass. We all know this diet doesn’t allow for laziness, there is too much prep lol! Keep on keeping on.  

Answer 12

Your daughter thinks this diet means youre just fat and lazy? THIS diet? Put her on the diet. That should clear things up a bit.  

Answer 13

Isn't it great when people judge you for being fat and lazy when you are actually doing the opposite - putting in hard work to make changes in your life. You are not fat and lazy. I'd just have her prep your food for you, that'll show her some work!  

Answer 14

Letting her talk to you that way is the real problem. I like the punishment above of making the kid spend all waking hours with family with no phone and no choices.  

Answer 15

Tell her you are doing it for yourself first and your family second. You want to see the woman you know she will become and to know your grandbabies. Do not engage in the fight. Make a positive out of the negative. When she gets older and needs you, she will remember what you said today and know you are there for her when she needs you the most.  

Answer 16

Just respond: I love you too.  

Answer 17

U do not need to explain really. However it is truly disrespectful for ur daughter to call u fat & lazy period. That would def offend me more then the diet issue! Pick & choose ur battles but NEVER be disrespected!  

Answer 18

I’d start by asking her “are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because I do have feelings. ” I think sometimes teens forget their parents are also people, real people with real feelings. It’s unkind to assume people who carry extra weight are “lazy. ” There are so many reasons for weight gain. Maybe she needs an empathy lesson. If my teen insulted me, I’d absolutely let them understand the effects of their words. Shame and remorse can be powerful teaching tools.  

Answer 19

How about "I'm disappointed that you aren't supportive of my choice but I love you bunches anyway. "

Answer 20

Look her straight in the eye and tell her to mind her own business. This is about your health. If she continues, tell her to Kiss your Butt. In no uncertain terms. She needs to back off. Promise that when she is your age you will tell her, "I told you so! "

Comments

To continue the conversation. If she is open to discussion. This is about your health. About not needing to take drugs to survive. This is about not huffing and puffing going up a single flight of stairs. This is about your partner being able to put his (her? ) arms around you. This is about living to hold your grandchildren.  

Answer 21

Explain you are taking care of yourself to be healthy. Tell her we do not judge people based on appearances such as fat & we do not assume (anything) that because it looks easy it is easy or the person is lazy. We each walk in our own shoes & find what works for us.  

Answer 22

Disrespect is the first issue, handle that and everything else should fall in place

Answer 23

Shes She’s 17 so old enough to understand the science behind it and why it works. Explain it to her. You could also explain to her that you dont don’t always agree with her choices but respect her anyway.  

Answer 24

This sounds like a situation for Love and Logic! Hit her with a one-liner. "I'm so glad I don't believe that. Here's to health! " and carry on. She's 17. no need to justify or engage. She will see the proof will be in your results and your better health! (Laura)

Comments

@proterozoic65658 Agreed! There’s probably more to her agitation that that surface remark. Hold that head high and find strength in your choices. While helpful, no external approval is required.  

Answer 25

Just walk away. She’ll come back someday.  

Answer 26

Don’t do anything. Just show her. I wouldn’t even engage. I’m in my fourth teen and I’ve learned a few things.  

Answer 27

Give her more chores! I mean since you’re lazy and all! Make sure you hug her extra tight!  

Answer 28

Ugh. if only her accusations held any truth. It would make dieting much easier. I'm going to suggest you talk to your coach about this. Then bring your child to an appointment with you. Let them see the success stories and pictures and, with coaches agreement and yours, allow the coach to educate your kid. Unfortunately disrespect needs to be dealt with early and often. For instance, I had a 12yr old scream at me about her laundry. From that day on I didn't touch hers. She gave up that right. My response to disrespect was, how small do you want your world to be? No phone, no car, no extras. You have what you have here at my pleasure. I owe you 2 meals a day, a bed and 2 pairs of clothing. That is the law. Chose wisely.  

Answer 29

Don't try to convince anyone else that what you are doing is the right thing for you. Just do you and thank your naysayers for their concern.  

Answer 30

I am raising my 3rd teenager. It helps to take their comments with a grain of salt. They tend to apologize in 10-15 years❣️

Answer 31

Set some emotional boundaries that keep you from internalizing what she thinks of you. We are in this weight predicament usually because we care for others more than ourselves. Do it for you. Sounds rough. but who cares what she thinks? You can still love her.  

Answer 32

Fat and lazy by being proactive? Makes complete sense

Answer 33

Respond w a firm no nonsense “ respect your mama. ” Lol. She should not tell you that you’re fat and lazy. even if you are. Lol.  

Answer 34

And I don’t think you are. Just sayin regardless of what she thinks. that’s something she should not say to her mom.  

Answer 35

Why would you respond tactfully when she clearly hasn't?  

Answer 36

Ignore her. Teenagers aren’t rational beings and filled with hormones. the proof is in the pudding. IP pudding of course. And, when this teen is ready to listen explain why you are not only doing it for you but for the whole family.  

Answer 37

Man that is rude! I wouldn't respond at all except to tell her to wash the dishes  

Comments

@reavis she asked me tonight to make her waffles instead of what I’m making for dinner. It’s going to be a real awakening tonight. Wish me luck.  

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@attitude47  good luck!  

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@attitude47 I think at 17 she can cook for herself with that attitude

Answer 38

Tell her she can have an opinion when she walks a mile in your shoes, untill then keep your mouth shut. And pray she never walks that mile.  

Answer 39

Menopause is different than 17. she will find out one day!  

Answer 40

No explanation needed to anyone who speaks to you that way!  

Answer 41

My daughter was totally against this thought it was to strict and I would never be able to do it but after she saw the first 50 pounds gone and now 108 gone she is totally supportive. Once you are able to get up and go she will see. Plus she is at that age we all love to hate! Be kind to yourself, shut off negativity, be happy with the new, healthier you waiting to come out ❤

Comments

@martlet my husband was like that a first, because I tried so many diets before and failed. He kept saying this one would be the same now I'm almost down 70lbs and he's changed his tune now.  

Answer 42

It works i love ideal it saved me

Comments

You got this

Answer 43

Wow, that's unbelievably rude. My kid would be regretting that pretty quick as she lost her electronics/access to car etc.  

Comments

But credit to you for even aiming at tactful!  

Answer 44

I support your ideas . try to support mine.  

Answer 45

Girls can be sooo brutal. Just reply: “I know you don’t mean that, and I love you anyway. ”