Question

Has anyone had temporary custody of other children, (not their own)? My sister has two little girls and she is a complete mess. I don't know if drugs are involved or not, but there are definitely some undiagnosed mental health issues going on and she is making very poor decisions lately. My parents have had my nieces (3 & 4 years old) since October, but my mom has some pretty significant health problems and they are really taking a toll on her, and my dad still works. I am really thinking that they need to come stay with my family. The only thing is, my sister and my parents are all in California. Also, I work three 12 hour days a week. I would definitely have to do child care until my husband gets home from work, and I'm just not positive that I can afford that at this time. My sister gets welfare (has literally never had a job) and food stamps, and the girls are on state insurance. I don't know if that means she gets free child care or what. I don't even know for sure that she'll let them come here, but I imagine she will so she can visit the guy in prison that she just married (not their dad). Yes, you read that correctly, and that is why I'm looking into this more than ever now. Btw - my parents have had the girls since October, when my sister found out the guy she and my nieces were living with, touched both girls, and she moved out. But then found this guy in prison. Jesus, help me. Anyways, this is all new territory for me and I would appreciate and advice or suggestions you have. My kids are 16 and 19 now, so I'm waaaaaaayyyyy past childcare days. Lol

Answer 1

I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband and I have full legal guardianship of my blood niece. We’ve had her since she was a little over 1 and she’s now 8. If you have any questions I’m happy to answer them the best I can.  

Comments

@hwang490 If your sibling didn't GIVE you custody, how did you go about getting it?  

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@overtax7 we had to file a petition w the court and she was served while she was incarcerated.  

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She didn’t show up the first hearing so we were granted temporary guardianship, we were literally jumping on a plane that afternoon for a family vacation. The judge granted it and then gave my sister a 30 day extension to respond since she was incarcerated. A month later she didn’t respond and we were granted full legal guardianship. We only petitioned the court bc we couldn’t provide health care or put her on our insurance without it. Pretty much anything bc we had no rights. Once my sister became clean and sober, she did fight back in court. She does now have visitation to her daughter and we have a great relationship.  

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I highly recommend avvo. com for legal advice. I’ve used it many times for a number of things and attorneys answer and will help you get on the path needed.  

Answer 2

I don’t have any advice to give but wanted to say it’s really awesome You’re doing this for those babies !  

Answer 3

Omg, Valerie! You have such a big heart wanting to help, I wish I knew how this all worked! My bro and SIL had temporary custody of their nephew after he was born addicted to opiates and her sister was going through a rehab program. He lived with them for 9 months or so. DCFS has to come to their house and approve them and her sister had to sign over her rights. He is now back with his mother.  

Answer 4

You would have to do this all with courts involved. She can sign over her parental rights but would need the dad to sign them as well (a guardianship) if he is on their birth certificate. You can ask for assistance from her/him and if she/he can’t help then you can go to gov assistances for child care and other needs. There are some that are not crazy costly childcare. I had my niece after her mother passed the dad didn’t do a great job raising her at 11. He decided not to work, the house was disgusting with dog fecal everywhere, and fridge empty. So I know what your going through. If you want you can PM me.  

Answer 5

I think it’ll all depend on the judge and her living situation for her to not have a choice of custody. I say you reach out to a lawyer and see your options. I’m sure you’ll be able to get custody of your nieces since you are a close family member

Answer 6

If you were granted custody or temporary custody I’m sure you can apply for child care assistance also in home daycares tend to be less pricey

Answer 7

You would have to find a lawyer in Cali where she or the dcfs case originates and go through that.  

Answer 8

These kids need you- however u can help them i urge you to do it. May need the DFS involved to put them Into the system but u would be allowed to bring them here

Answer 9

If you live close enough, I'm in aurora near the jewel on eola road, I'd be willing to help with a reduced rate if that would help. My mom has had custody of my 2 younger cousins since they were 6 months and 8, they are now 13 and 21. My mom struggled for a bit because she had the 3 of us to feed and such. But my sister and I would pitch in, we were about 16 and 13 I think. We made sacrifices but it was all worth it to see how much better they grew up.  

Answer 10

You can become a kinship placement which typically comes with benefits such as child care & a monthly stipend (not much at all but something).  

Answer 11

God bless you, keep trying!  

Answer 12

I have my niece (now 17) and her dad signed temporary custody forms that I got online (court website). that was enough to get her into school. I didn’t even have her mom (my sisters) signature. Both names are on the birth certificate so I only needed one. My sister is the one going through mental issues and that’s what I told the school when they asked where she was.  

Answer 13

Please contact Sean McCumber with STG in Naperville. He can at the very least help with questions you have. Good luck. I wish there was something IIIII could do . You are a good person for wanting to be there for them.  Call the number in the pic and ask for a consultation. He is an amazing human. He has an attorney page but the tag won't pop up. I will see if I can grab it for you as well.  

Comments

Here is his law page. Please reach out to him because if for some reason he himself cannot help you, he can definitely point you in the direction that can.  
https://www.facebook.com/Sean-McCum...8850/

Answer 14

You can get guardian ship and the state can help you, call an attorney

Answer 15

Dupage legal aid might be able to help - dupagelegalaid. org they do a lot with family law pro bono assistance.  

Answer 16

I have temporary custody of a little girl that's unrelated to me. We had to wait until she lived here for 6 months to establish residency before we could file.  

Answer 17

I'm a little confused is the guy in jail the one who touched your sister's kids? Sounds like these little kids really need some help and are you willing to give it to them? Temporary ain't going to do it they can't be going back and forth. They need stability. They need somebody to protect them and to love them. Especially since they've been touched. If you're willing to do that for them then get the legal help and do it right. Have them placed in your custody by DCFS so this way they get what they need they'll have their medicals and their benefits and you'll have a small stipend to help pay for childcare but you'll be a mommy again and it won't be easy but it'll be the best thing for them. You do sound like a wonderful person for trying to do this for them for even coming forward with this it was a hard thing to even admit that this has happened in anybody's family.  

Comments

@ringleader No, here’s the way I read it. The guy in jail is her sister’s new husband. The guy who touched the girls  was her boyfriend who she left. So it sounds like she has an inkling of some good judgement left. Hopefully that will extend to doing what’s best for the girls at this time.  

Answer 18

Call DCFS or the equivalent in CA and get a kinship guardianship if she is not able to care for them. The girls will get state aid for health and childcare. (This is annoying and lots of court dates usually, but the only way to get financial assistance that I know of. ) But is the dad around? Usually, they will call the other parent first or local family as to try to make the least amount of change possible for the girls. My husband and I are getting into foster care. If for some reason no one qualifies for custody, we can also claim fictive kin. Fictive kin is usually a family friend or teacher or someone that knows the kids. It can be nurses too. If you need help with the girls let me know. I would love to help. (And I have 2 built in babysitters) ;)

Answer 19

I took in a family members daughter under similar circumstances 8 years ago. State refused to help with anything unless I turned her over to them first. That wasn’t happening. I work in family law so I was able to do all the paperwork I needed to do on my own. You can only get state assistance if your income qualifies for it. The only help I was able to get was the kid care insurance.  

Answer 20

A family member can get Guardianship for a family members minor children If that person needs help with their children while they get medical attention, rehabilitation, or just need time to get back on track. A temporary guardianship will allow you to get the kid's into school, get them medical treatment If needed and may give you community assistance to help out during that time

Answer 21

Get them babies and keep them away from her get them help and treatment any child that has been touched is gonna need extra attention and love you and your husband really need to think this threw because its not just as easy as I can say it these kids been threw a lot !  

Answer 22

Definitely consult with an attorney, and save yourself grief down the road. The County Bar Association can give you a referral.  

Answer 23

I'm a therapist at Dunham counseling who takes ppo insure. We adopted teens from foster care recommend you reach out. Could come to adopt support group. At some point sister may have to decide if her kids are placed in foster care with strangers or preferred kinship care. Look in your county which DCFS agengies like Lutheran social services or Ada s McKinley and request supervisor call or intake meeting

Answer 24

Darcy bielema, Aurora is best DCFS/adopt attorney around

Answer 25

Ugh, first I want to start off by saying you’re amazing! Secondly, it’s a difficult situation. I tried to get custody of a child that wasn’t biologically mine and the mother even though on all state assistance had had SEVERAL DCFS involved incidences it didn’t work out in my favor. I would get a lawyer and file for temporary emergency custody and go from there. Explain your mothers declining health and the ages of the children make it tough. Is your sister willing to give you custody? Goodluck and thank you for helping those babies!  

Answer 26

God Bless You.  

Answer 27

Omg. What a mess and bless you for doing it. I would hazard a guess that the interstate thing could be an issue. Find an attorney just to be safe

Answer 28

So we just relocated to CA and the laws are very tight here on children. The only way this would be possible is if she signs this over to you. You would probably lose unless your parents kick them ALL out and your sister is deemed unfit. Even then, CA would want the kids to stay here first and it might not be with your parents if they had to kick them out, which isn't easy either because she's probably getting mail there and the state thinks that's where the kids live. I would talk to an attorney in IL about your sister giving you custody, and if this is possible because once they leave CA you would now have up take care of the girls (and she would lose all monies associated with the children and might not like that). Where in CA? I can give you more specific info and you might need a lawyer in CA too.  

Comments

@kimberly My sister isn't living with my parents. Only the girls are. She literally dropped them off at my parent's house and went back up to Fresno.  

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Okay, does the state know that? Because I'm assuming she's claiming then and getting assistance, such as WIC (you said food stamps) based on that.  

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@kimberly Hmmmm I'm not sure, to be honest. She was getting welfare weeelllll before she ever got pregnant with her first, but I'm not exactly sure what basis it was on, since she is fully capable of working.  

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You think she is, but she obviously had a doctor that says she can't or she meets the requirements in another way. Her income and access to resources is greatly increased with the children. This is just plain facts. Having your parents take care of them, without the state being involved, she is still receiving income based on being their caregiver. You need to take and show the local government the truth, she petition the courts, and honestly do a lot. First you need to reach out to a lawyer in CA since this is a CA issue and you can't just take the children out because of the services (such as health issue food assistance and housing allowance she probably gets for each).  

Answer 29

Jennifer Widlacki LaGrange can you offer any advice?  

Answer 30

Just something to consider as you clearly have these girls' best interest at heart. If the girls were touched by your sister's ex they are going to need trauma therapy. Sexual child abuse will set them up for a lifetime of mental health issues for the rest of their life if it's not addressed immediately. Please do not let that care get swept under the rug during this also traumatic transition from being with their mom to you. A new safer location does not provide a relief from that kind of trauma.  

Answer 31

Until you are able to figure this out, could you help find/pay for a mother’s helper or babysitter to help your mom while she’s watching them?  

Comments

I thought this as well! Might take a lot of the load off your parents. Honestly, I’d say try to keep them at their grandparents. Moving them to another state just distances them again from all the people they know and love. Who knows your sister might not want to relinquish her rights because of the aid she gets. That aid should be going to your parents though. since it is for the kids welfare. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.  

Answer 32

Wow bless you and your family for wanting to help your sis and nieces  

Answer 33

You can message me. I have a lot of info. I did this

Answer 34

We are currently in Cali moving back to Naperville area in June and I gotta tell you. Cali courts are wicked here as far as children go. Move them to you first and establish residency and then file for guardianship in IL.  

Answer 35

No advice but good for you for being a great daughter/aunt/sister ❤️

Answer 36

Yes but not in Illinois

Answer 37

Thank you all so much for your advice. I'm really hoping that she lets me have them for awhile and this doesn't turn into a battle. It would make all of this so much easier.  

Answer 38

MagnusonRapp Law can you help or refer her?  

Answer 39

I had my niece because of a similar situation. I too was in a different state. She signed over temp guardianship to me.  

Answer 40

I have no idea but prayers it all works out and you can home them with you bc it sounds like they really need you ❤️

Answer 41

But I do have a friend that’s an adoption lawyer. Very sweet and affordable. Lmk if you ever need the contact

Answer 42

PM me when you have time and I would be happy to try and help you find resources

Answer 43

Cali is a hard state with the laws regarding children. They may not allow you to move them to Illinois. I would start the process here. Bring them and establish residency and then file.  

Answer 44

If/when you get them here, please contact me. I can give you clothes/shoes/etc for the girls. They are lucky to have you as an aunt! ‍♀️

Answer 45

Call daycares around your area and asked if they have subsidized daycare. Ask questions. You can also call the YWCA, they will give you a list of providers that accept subsidy and they will answer all of your questions regarding childcare assistance.  

Answer 46

I obtained custody of my grandson. custody as a non parent of a child is difficult and unfortunately most times you have to "wait for something to happen" . The fact that they have lived with their grandparents will help but moving across state lines may be a challenge. Also you will need to file for custody in the state/county the children are in. If you can get her to agree that is your best option and then you can move towards something more legal. Kudos to you for wanting to offfer these kids a better life. I am happy to offer whatever I can based on my situation if you want to chat.