Question

Hey TBM Fam.  So, I think we've hit rock bottom on the budget.Hey TBM Fam. So, I think we've hit rock bottom on the budget. 1st, the wife wouldn't come around on the budget at all. (HATES THEM). After a month of following the BBP method, I got her to "try" to see my side. After 2 months of "trying", she couldn't do it any longer, and said I obsessed, and budgets are just not what we need. So she took over the finances, and I was taking a break (basically kicked off the budget). now, a month later - I just found out we opened 3 new credit cards 8 months ago, and all of them are now charged off, and in collections. Didn't even have a clue. so I didn't pay them. Now, I feel like our dream of owning a home is shot, credit bouncing back is non-existent, and have a little trust issue. I'm 41 and feel like I have to start completely over again. A major blow to the dream I had for our family. I'm probably projecting much of the blame on my wife, but it's my own fault as well, for not handling finances earlier in our marriage and helping get us in this hole. but feel completely deflated. Anyone in the group bounced back with a success story after a total collapse? Looking for a little inspiration.  

Answer 1

Wow that is horrible. I have money trust issues with my husband too but he’s never gone so far as to open secret cards. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I don’t really have any advice other than I would suggest counseling. That is going to be a huge trust issue to overcome.  

Answer 2

I second counseling if the marriage is going to work. And does she work? Maybe a separation of finances with one joint account for bills?  

Comments

@potage9 I second that !  

Answer 3

Financial infidelity is a tough hurdle. Please seek counseling. The bills can be paid off but the marriage has to be rebuilt also.  

Answer 4

Dang! I’m so sorry to hear this.  

Answer 5

I too would take this to a counseling. The communication is the biggest thing. Hard when parties are on 2 different pages. I am sorry this has happen. Were you on the same page before you got married.  

Comments

Never been on the same page financially

Answer 6

I would go to counseling and address the trust issues first. Then move forward as a team!  

Comments

Absolutely. won't work without the whole team.  

Answer 7

Wow! That sounds horrible. Sorry to hear.  

Answer 8

My mom did this to my dad when I was in high school I had to transfer from a private school back to the public school (I volunteered to) because of the hole that she put the family in. my dad had her on a tight money leash for about 10 years to get out of that mess. I hear you but it was resolved in about a year or two and my parents had 800 + credit scores soon after. you’ll get there but she needs to be honest with her side of the finances moving forward.  

Comments

Thank you. that really is good news. Not the first part, but the bounce back. Exactly what we need

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@scrag18 don’t feel defeated you’ll get there I have had my own issues financially and I bounce back every time the FICO system is pretty resilient as long as you do the right things  

Answer 9

This is my story in reverse. My husband was doing his own money thing, taking out bank and payday loans without me knowing and not paying them back. He didnt want to work together on budgeting or bill paying. I finally gave him the finances and it got worse. Ended up refinancing our house for almost twice as much as original loan with all his personal loans wrapped up in it. I separated my money from his and took over everything. Had to crawl back out of bad credit. He lost his job of 35 years and blew the only retirement savings we had. Now he's disabled. Definitely not the marriage I planned.  

Answer 10

Will probably look into counseling - just because of the kick in the gut. Funny thing is. we've never really been on the same page financially, and just made it work, and it has worked - paycheck to paycheck worked - but it was never a relationship issue. We've been married 14 years, and this is probably the first time anything like this happened. Could never divorce - we have 3 boys, 1 being Autistic, and it would completely wreck his world. Funny thing - I'm more mad about the credit score than her actually opening cards. she does work and possibly splitting finances is the way to go. but it's tough.  

Comments

@scrag18 I'm so sorry. My husband and I have some major differences of opinions on how to handle money. We did go to counseling and had weekly check ins (still do that) about household life things like bills. This is what we do: we each have our own accounts that our paychecks go into. We decided on who paid what bills out if which accounts. He also gives me a certain amount per month because he makes more than I do (I work part time and watch our daughter). We do however agree we won't be doing credit cards anymore. We've paid them off and won't use them again so, whatever money is left from his bills/giving me the agreed amount, is his to spend. Then I'm not micromanaging him and he doesn't feel like a child. Yes. We could pay off debt faster if that extra went to snowballing, but this is what works. We have little debt now outside our mortgage and we are finally at a spot where we feel content but making progress but also not irritating the hell out of each other. Lol

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@izard sounds pretty much what we need to do. I make more $, My wife is a paraprofessional in the school working with the Special needs kids - but it definitely doesn't pay the bills. but gives us a babysitter on holidays and summers. so budget it tight as it is. But I think she feels a little "controlled" or micromanaged a little more than she used to. I think that's the budget issue. The other issues - we'll have to work a little harder there. But I think splitting accounts and finances may be the way to go. financially speaking

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@scrag18 it works for us and we are better for it now. Not everyone agrees that spouses should split things but not everyone or every marriage works the same. Good luck!  

Answer 11

I’m so sorry. That’s a lot to handle. I hope everything works out for you. I had bad credit when I was younger. Husband and I decided that I should open a credit card at 20 for emergencies. Well it got bad. I opened another to transfer and so on and so on. My husband didn’t know until it started to interfere with rent payments. Then I changed. It took 3 years but I was able to buy a house. Things can change. Just keep pushing forward and stay strong for you and your family. ❤️

Comments

Thanks Sofia. Sounds about how I got in this mess to begin with. It all started at 20. still haven't learned the lessons.  

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@scrag18 me either. Trying to get myself out off new debt. But I have to stay positive or else It’s upsetting. I try to go day by day. Setting small goals for myself to get out off this mess.  

Answer 12

Ya this is a more serious issue than money. Seek counseling even if she won’t go. Go alone! Good luck

Answer 13

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. We went through a similar season in our marriage several years back, and I’m here to tell you that while it’s so dark and disheartening right now, she may come around in her own time. We all learn and choose to make changes for different reasons and in different ways, and hopefully she will find her why and get on the same page as you- not just for the financial aspects but more importantly for your relationship and trust. Wishing you the very best.  

Answer 14

I’m currently divorced because I did this in my early 20’s. Now, at 36 years old I have less than $3k in debt and it scares me to death.  

Answer 15

Don’t forget Miko did it, 77k in debt. We can all do it.  

Answer 16

Check out the frugal freaks on YouTube, she has a few videos on financial infidelity. You’re not alone! Most of us have had multiple challenges getting to be on the same page with our partners. It doesn’t happen overnight! Trust issues are difficult but that doesn’t mean you have to give up. Keep the lines of communication open and seek professional help, but try to stay the course with budgeting. No matter what the issues are they don’t get any better without a spending plan. Good luck!  

Comments

Thank you Laura!  

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@scrag18  

Answer 17

You’ll be fine. It’ll take time but the further you get from the late payments the less they hurt the score. Just start paying everything on time now and reduce debt. And yes counseling for the deceit

Answer 18

I used to be like her. She didn’t like budgeting bc she was trying to hide things and take back control so she could continue hiding them. You definitely need to take back control and put a lock on your credit.  

Answer 19

I have heard a podcast (and I can’t remember who it was. I thought it was Dave Ramsey. but maybe not) where you each keep accounts separate and you each contribute a certain amount/percentage to the household account. The podcast explained that this keeps it even. if everyone puts the same percentage in. not the same amount. Once you figure out exactly what is needed to cover bills and what will go to household savings. Each of you keep your own account. If anything else comes up then you divide it by contributing percent. Then whatever is left in your accounts is yours and whatever is in her account is hers. I’m not sure how you raise kids like that. ‍♀️ but I know people do it! If you think 75% of each of your pay will cover everything then you each have 25% to use individually. That might be a way to get control of financial issues. but still allow freedom for her to spend what she wants without answering to you. Don’t give up. I have really screwed up our finances several times. 3 days after our wedding our electric was turned off. he moved into my house and came home and our electric was off. He called me and said “so I found all these bills on the desk and none have been paid for like 4 months. ” I was like “I was planning a wedding I couldn’t pay the bills while I was doing that. ” That was 18 years ago and I have managed to screw up a bunch more. Each time we get it together and he’s mad for a while then we sit down and do it together. He has an abundance of patience and knows I wasn’t ever taught how to budget, how to do plan, how to only spend what we have. heck, most of the time I have no idea what we have. I’m just saying. Don’t give up. It takes work. Consistent work. 2-3 times a week we sit and go over things so I don’t’forget’. You guys can do it.  

Comments

@pressure I've heard of the percentages. I make probably double what my wife does, maybe more. so the percentage thing may help. I think her perception is she doesn't help and needs to be able to contribute. which she does, but maybe this would give her and us a boost! Thank you!  

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@scrag18 we did percentages for a while. We paid the same percentage of the bills that we brought in to our household income. If I made 65% of the total household income then I paid 65% of the total household bills. It was very fair and still gave us each spending money. Now we put our money all in but get a weekly allowance of $30 each.  

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@scrag18 I am a Stay at home mom now. my husband has always made double what I do. but he also works about 70 hrs a week and often travels for 4-5 days at a time. I used to have some issues in my brain about needing to contribute. but I can tell you that us Stay at homes contribute in many many ways. We are trying to fight our way out of debt I have once again put us in when My job dissolved. and I could get work to speed that process up, but my baby is 4 and I only have one more year till she is in school. I just want to hang on a bit longer. So we are making it work on his salary and tightening everything down! Good luck to you both.  

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@pressure definitely understand. My wife had a job change about 4 years ago to work in the school system. 1 of our sons is special needs and cant do daycares or stay home himself. so it's what worked for us. I think it started building up for her that her income isn't what it was. even if she basically manages every aspect of our home.  

Answer 20

So my husband is definitely more of the spender What we have found works for us and him to not feel micromanaged, is money goes into joint account we have a "budget meeting" decide what we are paying off saving etc. We both of a single account linked to our joint account that each other doesn't have access too. We have set amount for our spend money for each person. The rule is you aren't allowed to transfer more money out of the joint account into separate account with out both of us approving. I don't have an issue but my husband did so this is what we came up with and it works. My husband though did not come around really good until a couple months ago he was always on board but not totally committed like I was now, I notice he puts things back etc so we can put more towards debt! However, I do not work at this time. Could in the future but not at this time. Still think we would keep the same system. I hope y'all can figure out a system for y'all that works. Possible see if y'all can have a talk and see if she has any ideas? Or if she will open up to why she doesn't want to budget etc. My husband and I had this talk in the beginning of our financially journey a couple times. I had to spell it out about my "WHYS" and then he really started to come around.  

Answer 21

You can definitely get a house after charged off cc debt, but you will have to work on paying off your debt and building your credit and saving money for your down payment, best of luck I know you can do this!  

Answer 22

I’m working at bouncing back after some extremely deep and long setbacks. homebuying is on the table for this year. i’m the responsible one.  

Answer 23

You can totally do it all over again. It is possible. It takes time and patience-we blew our budget and notice we were struggling and we bounce back once we jumped on bird again with budgeting and working towards having savings and fixing credit to own a home-we did a 5 year goal plan to have debt free and credit fixed and enough down to purchase a home. Stay positive and let one handle the budget-I do sing dim more responsible and my husband thanked me otherwise we be broke and over our debt

Answer 24

My little 5 cents to your situation: Complete one of the Net Worth worksheets with the current assets and debts of the family and share this information with your wife. To me, that it’s eye opening! Then, discuss and write together a new “why”. Write down new reachable goals for short, medium and long term. Work one paycheck at a time. Have family meetings each week to discuss progress. Let your wife know that you need to take over the finances and you are now the CFO of the house hold. You will bring new strategies to come out of that deep hole together and she has to follow and trust. If she says no. Then, it’s not about a budget or about money, and the conversation should be about being able to reach consensus and have clear common goals.  

Answer 25

Is she open to counseling? I’m guessing she didn’t want to stick to a budget because she was hiding those credit cards from you and now that you know maybe you two can get onto the same page with a little guidance? Buying your home may take a little longer than your original goal. but you’ve got this!  

Answer 26

This is a group for women but I feel like you might belong here a group where we just tell you to dump him

Comments

@pyrogen, this isn't a group for women. Your comment confuses me.  

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@keelby2 bruh. the group that I tagged is for women

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@pyrogen gotcha. Makes sense now.  

Answer 27

Don’t give up! It’s still doable. Go back and look at some of Miko‘s videos. Trust the process. Get back on track and lay aside the blame game. Praying you get the message you need to move forward.  

Comments

Yes! Perfectly said!  

Answer 28

You can do it just get the budget out of your wife hands and get back on track. Your doing a great job you might have to do it by yourself

Answer 29

Yes! We bounced back after sooooooooo much! Keep at it and you will get there too!  

Answer 30

She should get a part-time job and pay off those three credit cards.  

Answer 31

You don’t have a money issue, you have a marriage issue. You need to talk (maybe with a counselor) and find out the bigger issue. Once that bigger issue is resolved then your money issues will be easier to deal with. This is just a symptom of a larger problem (I took that first line from Dave Ramsey. It just explained it perfectly)

Answer 32

Ill never understand how people cannot believe in budgets  

Comments

They literally keep you from spending money you don’t have ‍♀️

Answer 33

As a marriage therapist, I can tell you, this can be worked on! Bottom line, she had to understand that this is not about money, it's about the partnership, trust, commitment, common goals. You need to get tougher, you need to regain control of the finances until she gets on board, or she will take you both down. She does what she does because you allow it.  

Comments

@slovak336 yes what she said! Great advice

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@roselba not only am I a therapist, I was just like his wife. I almost took us down until I had a huge wake up call. my husband finally broke down and told me how much anxiety he had, how he was losing sleep, slipping into a depression, all because of how I looked at and handled money.  I was heartbroken that I was doing that, and started taking control of my relationship with money right there and then.  

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@slovak336 THIS 100%

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@slovak336 @@scrag18

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@errant I'm on Instagram and Facebook and talk about many subjects like this: TheSassyTherapist

Answer 34

No one can kick you off of budgeting money YOU earn! Seems your wife needs a wake up call because she is putting y’all in even more debt so she needs to be kicked off of finances and all credit cards taken away from her!  

Answer 35

Trust me I have done this to my husband before she can come around just keep at it. This sounds bad but keep one card in collections till you get everything paid off that way she can’t open anything else

Answer 36

Sounds similar to my story. I took over everything and gave my husband 1 card with an extremely low limit. Until he gets on board, he has no access to anything. I refuse to go backwards. He doesn’t like it but too bad. Might sound mean but I don’t care. Partly my fault for trusting he would do right by us but he didn’t.  

Answer 37

Umm maybe threaten divorce? Get counseling? Have a Financial advisor speak with you guys, maybe a professional can set her straight? Does she have a shopping addiction or a mental health issue where shopping brings a high to her? She betrayed you. She hurt you guys financially. These are facts. You can still get out of this hole but to be honest. if you don’t find the root of HER problems then you guys aren’t going anywhere. You have a flat tire in the relationship that needs repairing first. Also if I remember correctly you posted that she doesn’t work? If that’s correct she NEEDS a job at least until these credit cards are paid off and she may need to be cut off financially. only giving her the money from envelope the envelope that she needs for one thing. ‘You need gas? How much? Here. Bring me a receipt. ’ I’m sorry I’m blunt and honest and maybe harsh but this is not a fair relationship coming from her end. Blatant disrespect. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this but do know you can get on track, plenty of people in this group that are 1, 000s of dollars in debt paying credit cards off one by one.  

Answer 38

My husband and I had issues with money. It was my fault. I own it. I like to spend. We each have our own accounts to pay personal bills. An account for joint bills. I am much more responsible now.  

Answer 39

Counseling ASAP. ❤️❤️❤️

Answer 40

I would call the credit cards and explain that you werent aware and see if they will arrange a pay for delete (meaning you pay them and they delete the bad collection from your credit) worth a shot.  

Answer 41

You CAN work through this! First, fill your cup, then put yourself higher on the priority list and make the budget anyhow, then tell her how it makes you feel to find things like hidden cards, why you want to budget, and what you want to build for your family. You have to sell her the way she wants to buy not the way you like to buy. But you also need to deal with why she's hiding things and what it is she's afraid of facing. Lastly, from a purely practical point, if those cards were in her name with you as an authorized user, you can dispute them on your credit report. A lot of companies dont offer joint accounts anymore (thought plenty still do, so be sure to double check). You may also be able to negotiate removal from your credit report with payment in full, but get it in writing. There is light at the end of the tunnel! Have faith, and take it one step at a time. And seek counsel from trusted advisors and professionals if/when you need it. You guys have got this!  

Answer 42

Counselling, even if you just go. a good counselor will be able to guide you on how to handle the situation. My story is not the same as yours but my husband has come a long way. I saw one for other issues and they told me how to handle it, approach it and be strong and it worked.  

Answer 43

Not knowing all the details. I wonder if the budget was too tight for her. Maybe to get her on your side she needs some things budgeted in for her. Just in the beginning. And when she sees how beneficial it can be you can work together to tighten it up some so you can hit your goals. Just a thought.  

Comments

Budget was tight. Which I think gave a feeling of being tied down.  

Answer 44

I used to hate budgeting as well. But after practicing it for a few months I learned that there is a lot of freedom in it

Comments

Kim, yes there is another financial podcast I listen to and she says “A budget gives her permission to spend because she knows her spending limit. ”

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@quigley Cool! Which podcast?  

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@cuspid, Rachel Cruze she is Dave Ramsey’s daughter. I enjoy listening to her because she is spunky and her podcasts are about 20-30 minutes long

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@quigley Oh yes. I love her! Same principles. Nicer demeanor

Answer 45

Oh yes you can bounce back it a slow disciplined process but can be done once your both on board. Remember that time is going to go by anyway so clean up the mess . don’t live in the past settle your debts after you get your emergency funds and get those snowballs rolling. It took us 6 -7 years to start over but now we are debt free and 780-800 credit.  

Answer 46

I'm sorry that's rough I know how it is but that's part of why I'm glad I'm a single mom

Answer 47

This is a little bit different than your situation, but I'm going to tell you my story anyway. My ex did that to my credit cards. He maxed out 3 before he left, mostly buying stuff trying to keep me like an engagement ring I then had to pay for and Christmas for everyone we knew. He also used the emergency card for trips to McDonald's. When I found out he was taking cash advances on my card to gamble while he was supposed to be at work I kicked him out. We were trying to buy a house at the time. I lost my job and filed bankruptcy because I couldn't make the payments anymore almost 4 years ago. I am currently under contract with a new house, better husband (who has also filed bankruptcy about 5 years ago), and a toddler. It can be fixed, but it takes a lot of patience.  

Comments

You cannot get a house until 2 years after a bankruptcy is cleared though, just so you know. Your timeline may change if you have to do what I did

Answer 48

During my divorce with my 1st husband I found out that he had an online gambling addiction and had all kinds of cc I didnt even know about that equaled over 40k. It was the worse time in my life! I was going through a divorce and the company I was working for closed. I was living on unemployment, supporting our 2 sons (one is on the spectrum). I lost my house and had to move into a rental which was 50% of my income. I got a job making $9. 27 an hour. No child support! I used my taxes and called each credit card to see what they could do to help me. I went on a low repayment plan with bank of america and they put it at 0% interest. I was also able to settle 2 larger cc at $0. 25 to the $1. That was about 8 years ago. I bought my house 4 years ago this april! I should add that I am now remarried, and now we have 6 kids combined! I have a very well paying job with great benefits!  

Comments

@southworth55335 Huebner Congrats! You have an amazing story. We have 1 on the spectrum as well and I have no idea how we'd do it without the other person to help. Continued good luck to you!  

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@scrag18 thanks! All the hard work was so worth it!  

Answer 49

Wow. I'm sorry but I dont think I could stay in a relationship with someone that doesnt have the same goals as I do. You wont be able to move your family forward until you both are on the same page. This is major. Credit can bounce back, pretty quickly actually. If you can work with her to see the "why" maybe things can turn around. If she doesnt get on board you will never make headway

Comments

@casper but that's not what marriage is. If he loves her then she is worth the effort.  

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@southworth55335 Huebner sorry but to me, marriage is more than just love. It's a partnership with both parties working towards the same goal and having trust in one another to do so.  

Answer 50

We are in the process of digging ourselves out of rock bottom now. For over a year, my husband and I both made bad choices financially and now we are trying to fix things. We cut out all extras and still with minimum payments, over $1000 over our income every month. But we have to start somewhere. We are selling things, we cut out all extras, we are putting our bonus and tax returns towards debt. At first, hubby was not on board because he didn’t see how bad things were, because I paid the bills and somehow things were being paid. After sitting with him, and creating a spreadsheet of all of our debt, he realized the situation and the stress I was feeling every month trying to pay things, and got on board. I still have to remind him sometimes of the “why’s” as he feels like we deserve to “enjoy” our hard earned money but I remind that we did enjoy for a couple of years and this is the result and that there are many free things to do to reward ourselves for our hard work. It’s not easy but we hope to be debt free one day. Just know that you are not the only one in rock bottom and things will get better in time.  

Answer 51

I think that's why she didn't want to budget, knew what you would find! Good luck

Comments

This is true. She opened the cards and then got in over her head with min payments, and was too ashamed to tell me. she was just going to handle it on her own. ‍♂️

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@scrag18 sit down and talk with her. Let her know you love her and together you can and will dig yourselves out of this debt.  

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@scrag18 remind her your a team and you can both do it. Slow N steady wins the race x

Answer 52

I don’t want to take over on your post, but I also had a cc that was “charged off” we were still making payments on it, actually on a payment plan I believe. but when I called them almost a month ago they told me they no longer have it? And no one could explain or tell me what charged off actually meant, bc I had never heard of it before! They also wouldn’t tell me directly that I needed to pay it off or not. I’m so confused.  

Comments

@epictetus40446 Its all confusing. I think once it goes into collection. agencies just bid on the bad debt to purchase it and try to get the most out of you they can. Weird that you were paying on it and then they no longer have it. Sometimes it's a bulk package of debt they buy.  

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@scrag18 yeah I have no idea. I think I need to spend more time on the phone with them

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@miniver I also thought it was weird that no one wanted to really give me any info other than “it’s charged off”

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@miniver it doesn’t. They have bankers hours though so I have to call when I get a day off bc I’m sure it won’t be a quick thing.  When we get ourselves out of debt I will never EVER again go down this road!  

Answer 53

Thank you all. Thanks for the stories and encouraging. I think the budget is a back burner issue right now, and have to get on the same page with my wife again. Credit is stupid, a necessary evil, that I could never really manage. Our budget is tight and everyone is really constricted. Maybe this is the wake up call we both needed? Trying to see the positives. as it's still fresh.  

Answer 54

This is a common question and situation. Have you considered maybe asking to do Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University together? Just a thought.  

Answer 55

When you say she feels controlled financially I think that was how my husband felt when I started doing the budgeting and cash envelopes. He now has three of his OWN envelopes and definitely feels a little less "controlled. " Counseling is a must. I wish you good luck. It's NOT too late.  

Answer 56

We never had any cards go into collections but we did have a hard hit around June, I was in the hospital (L&D). We racked up bills and just couldn’t stay on top. One card was closed but the others were okay. We paid what we could. We finally got on top of it. Our credits went from 800’s to 500. We wanted to buy a home this year but we won’t be able too. You can do. Have a heart to heart. Get all the info wrote down and then start making payments and working on the snowball.  

Answer 57

I’m so sorry this happened, I would suggest counseling and communicating with your wife what your ultimate goals/dreams are for your family. Show her why you want to get out of debt and how you are doing it for everyone’s best interest. Does she not want to own a house like you do?  

Comments

@traherne yes. but now I'm not really sure. We've rented forever and content, but always wanted to buy. Shes a hard sell to budget.  

Answer 58

Listen to Dave Ramsey’s video called she says we make to much money to live like this and have her listen to it also . It’s a reality check.  

Answer 59

Marital counseling.  

Comments

@scrag18 — I was quick in my comment, but not intentionally harsh. I agree that there’s a “why” behind her spending, also a “why” behind the deception. It’s worth finding out and a professional might help tease out the issues. Best of luck!  

Answer 60

I was probably your wife @scrag18! Years ago that was me, and I hid 25, 000 in credit card debt from my husband! 25k, opened tons of cards. 12 to be exact because there was a deeper issue within me! I was unhappy with me. so shopping and spending made me feel better because I was depressed. After therapy and getting help, we were able to pay off 9 credit cards, and now we own not one but two restaurants! We still are rebuilding, but it is possible! No matter where you are! No matter what has happened, it is worth fighting for! You can do this!  

Answer 61

Haven’t gone through all the comments but have you thought about separating everything? Does she work? Or you take care of all the finances cause if you do then cut her off. It’s not right but what she did isn’t either, when will she learn? When it’s too late? My mother is the same way honestly. My dad takes care of all the finances & she just spends money she just doesn’t have. Has been for 40+ Years of marriage & doesn’t bother to change. So you need to decide what actions to take. We don’t need to stay married to someone just because we have a family to them. ‍♀️

Answer 62

I am so so sorry. We had a collapse and almost was sued. Our only option was bankruptcy. I felt like a chump. I hated myself pretty good for letting it get out of hand. Our situation is different tho. Bankruptcy was our only option because we were $1000 negative every month for about a year and we’re going to be sued. I don’t recommend it since you are wanting a home and stuff. but that’s an option if they’re threatening to sue you. Our experience was all God and very good. It’s not for everyone tho! ****My immediate thought as a life and budget coach is that there is something deeper that needs to be addressed. Money decisions don’t start or end with mere money. there’s a driving force behind those decisions and this one is a big one. If I were her this is what I’d want. you to sit me down and hug me. IMO I think you should Tell her that everything will be ok and there is a way out of this hole but that she needs to to communicate. I’d start asking questions. Not raising voices but being genuinely concerned. There is usually lack of fulfillment resulting in bad money habits. Look I am not saying she’s not at fault. There needs to be accountability. However, grace and love has to be the aim in conversations like these since money is such a personal topic because it holds so many psychological and emotional pain points. It sounds like there’s shame and guilt and dissatisfaction there. ‍♀️