Question

Moms Help!  I’m ready to start giving my 17 month old time outs are there any tips and tricks?Moms Help! I’m ready to start giving my 17 month old time outs are there any tips and tricks? I won’t be putting her in the crib for time outs.  

Answer 1

I have a 20 mo old and she’s def not mature enough for time outs. I’m still re-directing with a firm NO. It’s tedious for sure

Comments

@multifoliate I was going to suggest the Same as you. Redirecting is the way to go. 18 months is to young for a time out. They will have no Idea what’s going on

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@multifoliate This! Have done this with all 3. My youngest is currently 15 months old and we’ll be re-directing for a while. Can’t expect a child to understand a concept their brain is not developed enough to comprehend yet.  

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@multifoliate I agree they are so little to understand but I’m pulling my hair out because she won’t listen to me  and this quarantine is not helping  

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@declaim girl we all get it with toddlers! They are professional-level at driving you nuts and being adorable the next second. Enjoy her nap time and kick back with a hot cup of coffee!  

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@multifoliate Thank you I will and I have. They should legalize drinking wine at 8am  

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@declaim  

Answer 2

Hi Rosinah! I do time outs for my little guy. He just turned 2 but we started around 18 months. We put him in time out sitting at the wall for about 5-10 seconds, counted backwards together, then we spoke about why he got a timeout then ALWAYS a hug after. He still gets time outs but never more than 30 seconds. My 4 year old will only ever get up to 3 minutes. Always with a timer.  

Comments

@cowman869/activity" class="qa-user-link">cowman869 Thank you @cowman869/activity" class="qa-user-link">cowman869 I can try that I hope it will work for me

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@declaim I havent really seen anyone else mention the importance of hugging and loving afterward. It’s super important to make sure they still know you love them despite their disobedience. Always hug and speak with them about it and tell them you love them.  

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@cowman869 we do this after a time-out too. I always say I love you and give a hug

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I agree with this!  

Answer 3

My daughter is 18 months and I truly don't think she would understand a timeout. Every kid is different, obviously, though! If you have a completely empty/baby proofed room without anything fun in there, that would be my suggestion. For like, 30 seconds.  

Comments

@sholapur I don’t have an empty room where I would feel comfortable with leaving her in there. She wouldn’t even care if I did which wouldn’t help ☹️

Answer 4

I used to put my son on a stool in the middle of the kitchen so he couldn't touch anything. Set the timer for 1 minute and he could watch it go down and ring when done

Comments

@breaststroke ok sounds like a great plan! I can try that

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There are so many great comments on this thread. I am absolutely a fan of time outs (essentially cool downs), as well as redirecting. But nothing does any of this better for my daughter than a timer. Visual timers for kids, can make a HUGE difference. I even use it when my kids want something but it won’t be ready for a few minutes (i. e. lunch), and they stop asking over and over when it will be ready. It provides them with control and sets expectations. I wish I knew about it earlier, to be honest.  

Answer 5

I put my LO’s toys or other items in time out. I also tell her the consequences when she first starts the behavior and carry through with them. If she hits me- I firmly tell her no the first time and then hold her hand for a good 5 seconds before letting her hand go the second time. I don’t believe kids developmentally have the understanding of themselves being in time out until 2yo. There is usually a reason they are acting out vs. just trying to be punks. They don’t have the means to verbalize their frustration so it comes out a different way. When I notice my LO is starting to act up- I always ask if she is thirsty or needs a hug, etc. It usually takes care of the behavior unless she is tired and needs a nap.  

Comments

@mog1348 I agree. Mine is usually hungry and she will push me towards the kitchen to show me what she wants but when she pulls the dogs ears and won’t stop I feel like time outs are needed but she doesn’t understand

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@declaim we have a cat that our LO can be too rough with at times. When that happens I show her gentle touch and take her hand to pet the cat. Now she tries to show me “gentle touch” when she pets the cat by herself. “Like see. I can do it too, Mama! ” I always make a big deal about it when she shows me. It is adorable.  

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@mog1348 Yes! I love the gentle touch and showing her hopefully that helps. I’m so scared of cats, does it ever scare you that it would scat her your baby when angry?  

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@declaim our cat has been amazing! She was an only furbaby for about 5 years, so we were nervous about bringing our LO home. I researched a bunch and tried to prepare her for the crying, etc. by using some techniques I found on the internet. For example- my husband brought clothes the baby wore in the hospital home for the cat to love on before the baby came home. I think the techniques may have worked because our cat has been nothing, but loving/ patient towards our LO where she would have acted out before. It has been amazing to watch.  

Answer 6

We started with timeouts with Logan when he was like two and a half. I don’t think he would have understood at 17 months and I just did a lot of redirecting. Logan really wasn’t verbal at that age so a lot of his acting out was because he didn’t know how to communicate what he wanted. When we did start timeouts, I would put him in the corner and he would get a minute for each year, so he started with 2 and now he’s at 3 minutes. After timeout we talk about why he got it and what he should do instead

Comments

@carrasquillo/activity" class="qa-user-link">carrasquillo I agree @carrasquillo/activity" class="qa-user-link">carrasquillo she is still too little. I honestly thought this was the age that most people started them. I will have to wait till she gets a little older before I try it again

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Yeah, it is hard especially with your first. You want to make sure that your disciplining them and raising them right, but it can be hard to know what they are ready for

Answer 7

I do a minute on my lap where I hold her arms. kinda like a hug and she has to sit. she hates it but it works for us. ‍♀️

Answer 8

I started using timeouts about this age with my little guy. I did use the crib, but only because that was the safest place I could put him. I totally understand why you'd prefer not to do that. The thing that helped me the most was not looking at timeout as a form of punishment but rather as an opportunity for him to calm down. There was a phase where he was biting out of frustration or thrashing around and yelling when we tried to change his diaper. I would place him in his crib and walk out of the room without any kind of reaction. Thankspically, because he was frustrated, he would be yelling or crying. I'd wait in the hallway outside his room until I heard the crying or yelling subside (sometimes just 10-15 seconds, sometimes a minute or two). As soon as that happened, I'd go in his room and say in a cheerful voice, "Hi! Are you ready to change your diaper? " or "Hi! Are you feeling better now? " I'd then lift him out of his crib. If he continued with the previous tantrum, I'd say, "Sounds like you're not ready yet. Let me know when you are. " and I'd put him back in the crib and repeat the exercise until he was calm when I took him out of the crib. I don't think he really was processing the words I was saying, but he picked up on my tone and body language. His behavior was coming from frustration and inability communicate that frustration with language, so he didn't need punishment. But he did need to understand that the behavior he was displaying was ineffective for getting what he wanted. Because he didn't get any reaction out of me (positive or negative) when he displayed a behavior I didn't like, he didn't get anything from it. Because he got a positive reaction from me when he displayed a behavior I did like, he figured out that was the more effective way to get what he wanted. I used to work at an aquarium with the animal caregivers, and they taught me a lot about positive reinforcement training with animals. It might sound kind of weird, but we're all animals. The most effective way to communicate with the animals was to ignore unwanted behavior and to reward wanted behavior. This is a really, really long response so I apologize if it's rambling, and I hope you find it helpful!  

Comments

@wasp oh no ramble at all! Thank you I took everything you said in. Yeah her crib is a place of peace and I use it when I need to take a quick shower and she will lay there and wait and not scream so I don’t want it to become a punishment space because it will make bed time a night mare. I agree maybe redirecting or rewarding her when she does something good may help her know the difference. Yes they do get frustrated because they can’t communicate very well

Answer 9

We do the "Better Choice Chair" for our 2 year old and just started with our 15 month old. Always avoid "asking" (is it time for the Better Choice Chair? " etc. ) and always use statements. It needs to be done within 7 seconds of the undesirable behavior. Lani (15 mos) hits her sister. "Lani, it's time for the Better Choice Chair" Put Lani in chair facing a wall and sit with my back to her. Set Google or Phone timer for 30 seconds. Ignore her (as long as she's safe). If she gets out I sit her back down without eye contact (pro tip: look at her shirt instead of her face) After timer goes off, look her in the eye and give a simple 2-3 word explanation. "No hitting. " Then go back about your day (and don't bring it up again. ) When it's done: it's done. I don't force apologies, but when my two-year-old ends up in the better choice chair, afterward she apologizes herself! It's all about what they see modeled, not what they are forced to do  

Comments

I choose to use a chair, in the room, with no buckles. my reason is I don't want her to associate buckles and harnesses with being restrained I want her to associate them with safety. So as many times as you need to put her back in (no eye contact, no words) when she gets up just put her back in. I always use a chair that they CAN get out of if they want to, as restraint, isolation, or fear (i. e. a high, no back stool that they couldn't independently move from safely or a high chair) are not good reinforcers for long term changed behavior.  

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@wasp Kay that’s is a good idea to get a chair and make her sit in it. I agree making eye contact just makes her laugh at me  yes no to the straps next thing she won’t want to sit in her car seat

Answer 10

Please don’t put your baby on time outs. Children that age do not have the cognitive ability to understand time outs and to reason. It’s a fact of child development. Join the Facebook group Gentle Parents Unite. There are reading modules and one talks about punishment. You will find this reading useful. If you haven’t read Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting, it is highly recommended.  

Answer 11

1 minute for every year in age. We have our twins sit on the bottom step. We sit in front of them and talk to them. We have a book called, “hands are not for hitting. ” So when they hit we ask them, “hands are not for hitting. What are hands for? ” And we go through what good things hands are for. We do the same for feet, teeth and words. They have to give a hug to whomever they hurt, to apologize after the time out. They’re 2.  

Comments

@nadene66854 I’m glad she is not hitting me  I guess getting the book so that she is aware that even pulling our dogs tail is not ok. That may help

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@nadene66854 this is what we do! @declaim

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@publias8 I’m going to get the book  

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@nadene66854 I second the book “hands are not for hitting”! We went through a phase too and she quotes the book now!  

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@finegrain5504 we added our own now too. Like giving pounds and Rock Paper Scissors ‍♀️

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@finegrain5504 the whole series is good!  

Answer 12

We call them “cool down” periods instead of “time outs”. She gets only a minute or two before we go over there and talk with her about what happened and why is is acting the way she is. We don’t always have a set area but it tends to be in a corner, away from everything else going on. Hugs, “I’m sorrys” and “I love yous” at the end  

Comments

@finegrain5504 thank you this helps a lot. I think that making sure she knows that I still love her is key to making her not feel like I’m neglecting her for that minute.  

Answer 13

We called it "time away"

Answer 14

Designate a chair or stool - only put her in a time out for 1-2 min - seems short but it’s a lifetime for them - stand by her but ignore crying talking etc