Question

Good Morning I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with my first child. When my mother found out I was pregnant, she made the decision to retire a year early so she could watch baby. The amount of time she watches baby each week will fluctuate between 4-5 days and 4-7 hours a day depending on my husband working from home (she is fine with this). No matter the hours, I want to pay my mother the same amount each week. She asked for $100 a week to cover her insurance. I felt like the amount she gave was so low. I feel like she is worth more for what she is choosing to do for us. Are there any mom’s here who have a grandparent “nanny” during the day and how did you determine the amount you pay them? Thank you!  

Answer 1

Considering daycare for an infant can be up to $2, 000 a month, I would pay her a lot more. I feel like grandparents have already raised their own kids and it can lead to some resentment and conflict later on, even if they don’t want to ask for pay. (I don’t have experience with this at all, just from observing other people in the situation)

Answer 2

I pay my mom $100/week and now with two little ones (20 month old and newborn) it’ll be $150/week. However, I only work 2 days during the week and she lives about 15 min away so this just covers her gas and what not. I do make it a point to take her to dinner when we go and buy her nicer gifts for holidays than I normally would. I would probably double the amount if it were going to be 4-5 days a week.  

Answer 3

Pay her what she asked and then put extra money into something like plane ticket vouchers. Something she might not spend on herself if she just had an extra $50 per week BUT it adds up. or save the money in a separate account for her and give her a couple tickets for a cruise. She might appreciate the gesture more. My mother refused to rake money most days and Ive realized she appreciates giftd like this alot and understand that I appreciate all her work

Answer 4

Give her $100 as she asked, but when you go to pay her put it in a hand written thank you card along with a gift card for things she likes (Starbucks, Target, massage, restaurant). It’s just such a nice and simple gesture to say “hey I really appreciate you! ”

Answer 5

My mom watches our kids too, I pay her gas bill each month. I think I agree with others who have said to honor her wishes of the $100 and then maybe giftcards to her favorite places. She'll appreciate it but you're still doing what she has asked.  

Answer 6

My mother watched my oldest and didn’t take any money. She helps watch the younger ones now so we can go on dates. Again she doesn’t want money so we will borrow her car and put gas in it or pay her cable bill. We give her gifts on the holiday above what we would usually do. Maybe do something like that along with the money she needs

Answer 7

I am a grandmother here. If I offered my daughter to do that, I would bc I was in a position to be able to do so. With that said, she asked for $100. That is all she needs. You do not need to do more than that. Believe me, when I tell you that she is so happy to be able do that for you.  

Answer 8

My mom and dad watched our little guy 5 days a week for almost a year and a half. They didn't want any money and said they felt it was a gift to them to spend so much time with their grandson. My husband and I have made a point of making sure we treat my folks to lunch and dinner, help them around their house as much as we can, and find and pay for special activities we can all do together. If all your mom asked for is $100, I say honor her request. It probably makes her feel really wonderful to help her baby and her grandbaby, both by providing childcare and by saving you money. You can always treat her to special things and show your appreciation in other ways.  

Answer 9

My mom watched my daughter while I was working full time when she was little. She would not take any money from me and found so much joy in being with her. I would say give her what she is asking and treat her to dinners / lunches. Maybe then a gift card to the grocery store would be a nice extra. Such a special thing for her to take care of her grand baby! It’s more then money it’s a bond  

Answer 10

That’s awesome! My MIL watches our little babe everyday - we are SO thankful and so blessed to be in this position. Additionally, she lives with us (added bonus) so we settled on $75 a week. I normally do the cooking, and we’ll pay for things here and there for her. She’s waited her whole life for this sweet grand babe, and she didn’t want anything from us, bt we wanted to give her something to show our appreciation ♥️♥️

Answer 11

My mom didn’t want money either for watching/spending time with my kids. I got her to agree to take $ for food each month. I also will get her coffee/breakfast every so often. I also provide the diapers and wipes.  

Answer 12

I never paid grandparents. If I were a grandparent I would never take a dime from my kids. That’s odd to me. It’s family. Family should babysit for free IMO. My grandparents left their jobs in Poland, and came here to babysit my brother and I. It was how I was raised and it’s ingrained in me. And it’s what I’ll pass onto my kids.  

Answer 13

I would take grandparents on a vacation instead like, let’s go to Hawaii. I’ll pay for you. That’s a nice offer that I would do

Answer 14

Wow what an amazing mother! And congrats to you!  

Answer 15

What would we do without our mommas?! I’m sure you’ll do the same for your babies when you become a grandma too. Tell your mom I think she’s awesome!  

Answer 16

Double the amount she told you.  

Answer 17

I babysit my grandchildren two days a week and have been doing so for 4+ years. It’s such a privilege to watch the littles and they are only this young for such a short time. My pay comes in spontaneous kisses and hugs and then throwing their arms around me at day’s end and saying “Grammie, please don’t go. You need to stay here with us forever! ” Priceless!  

Answer 18

My mom watched my children until they started school. It was the best! I paid her $100 per week per child. We both knew this was a huge bargain for me but also gave her a little bit of money (often times spent on things for my kids like lunches, “field trips”, etc. ). It also made it feel more like I could tell her how I wanted things done and she needed to listen. She was still very much a grandma but needed to follow my parenting requests.  

Comments

My parents would still watch the kids for date nights, etc. for free.  

Answer 19

If all she wants is $100, then let her take the $100! My parents watch my kids for free, I have always felt horrible about asking them for an extra day here or there because I don’t want them to feel they are taken advantage of. Sometimes it’s one day of the week, sometimes every day. I work night shift so a lot of the time it’s me crashing at their house for a few hours. They always have the same response of how seeing their grandkids grow up is worth way more than we could ever pay. That and my parents, even during retirement, make a ton of money  That being said, I love the idea of an occasional gift card to treat herself too!  

Answer 20

If your mother is still young enough for her to work and she’s losing revenue for her retirement then $300 a week. Time, peace of mind and her future is being adjusted to suite the needs of your family. And if grandma wants to turn around and spend in on her grand-baby or put it in savings it’s the proper thing to do. Babysitting is a serious job and should be paid accordingly. Congratulations to you and your family. Take care of your Momma, she’s the only Mommy, you will have. In return she will take care if you baby and you won’t have to worry about either of them.  

Answer 21

She only wants $100. Give her a hug and be thankful!  

Answer 22

What if you set a time frame? If she’s asking for $100- start with that and tell her “let re evaluate after six months? ” It could take the awkwardness out in case she decides she wants more or if you still feel it’s not enough? Promise each other at six months time you’ll sit and have a frank conversation? You could even pick a date to force the conversation.  

Answer 23

That’s awesome! It’s not a bad thing. You can give her tips. That’s what I pay my care givers. which are grandmas

Answer 24

My parents watched our daughter for free and that wasn’t an issue for them. A big part of not wanting more money is probably because she knows how much you’ll need that extra money for other things or to save for unexpected emergencies or for your child’s future/schooling. Instead of paying her more what about having her over for dinner (and your dad? ) or if you go out to eat with your parents, front the bill or pay for a zoo or child museum membership so she can take your LO during the day. The joy she will get from watching your child is going to be an internal payment. And you can always increase the pay over time. just slip her some extra money when you can. However if she will be struggling without more income then definitely be firm in paying more if you can.  

Answer 25

What a blessing your a lucky women

Answer 26

I'm the director of a preschool and our staff receive a benefit discount off tuition and pay a max of $105 a week. So I think it's fair. it's like she's getting an employee discount  and I agree with the person who says spoil during holidays etc

Answer 27

My mom always watched my kids for free. She never would have accepted money so we just gave her bigger gifts for Christmas/birthday/Mother’s Day. If she says $100, I would do that.  

Answer 28

As a grandma I would advise you to pay her what she has asked! How about a cleaning lady once a month to do a deep clean for her so when she is at home she doesn’t have to waste her time cleaning? I would think that was a fantastic gift!  

Comments

@cloraclorinda yes! 100% yes! I do this for my mom and she appreciates it!  

Answer 29

I would never charge my son and DIL to have time with my grandchildren. However, if your mom simply wants the $100. make it a stress-free gift. If it makes you feel better, set aside the difference of what you think you should give her and maybe surprise her on her birthday with the savings or a trip. You sound like a lovely daughter.  

Answer 30

My mother won’t accept money from me when she comes to town and watches my daughter so instead I take what I would pay a normal sitter and put it back on “her jar” then when she says she wants/needs something or adds something to wish list on our shared prime account it magically shows up on her porch within a few days, she likes the surprise.  

Comments

I should add we live about 5 hours apart and only see each other 4-5 times a year.  

Answer 31

My mom always watched our children for years since the 1st was born for free, we never paid her and she would never have accepted money . Instead I have just always tried to purchased certain things she’s in need of or pay for when we go out to eat.  

Answer 32

I never expected money for watching my grand kids cause I loved it but it would have helped a lot.  

Answer 33

I pay my Dad in gift cards(he’s never asked for money) for gas and his favorite restaurants and he loves it. I pay for my moms salon appointments and my son brings her flowers once a week and she loves it! If she asked for the $100 give her that but I’d throw in dinners, gift cards to her favorite places etc. It’s awesome when our parents volunteer to help with our kids but we just have to be aware and never take advantage. My son is 10 and is with my Dad 2-3 times a week and comes to every basketball practice and game so the gas cards I think are the best thank you.  

Comments

@konstance Roby I wish you were my boss when I was a Nanny  

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@etana3037 I treat my employees the same! I’m showing up today with gift cards for them!  

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@konstance Roby I would love working for you! You are a gem  

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@etana3037 same! I used to be a nanny and I totally would’ve appreciated it

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@etana3037 are you looking?  

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@konstance Roby I am always looking to better myself. I'll dm you

Answer 34

Has cards and adding her to subscriptions like Netflix etc that don’t seem like a lot of money but add up And a vacation with you or to visit her other kids

Comments

Make friends and have a back up babysitting plan too for illness etc

Answer 35

I’ve never taken money to babysit my grandbabies❤️

Answer 36

We go a little heavy on holidays for my mother in-law. We buy her spa days and other things she wouldn’t ever spend on herself. We also pay for memberships, like the dupage children museum.  

Answer 37

I pay my parents for watching ours about 200 per week - food, expenses for activities, or just to spend on themselves. it makes it more of a way that feels like we aren’t taking advantage of their time. also lots of presents or odds and ends when we find something they would like or are just wanting and won’t spend on themselves

Answer 38

Having a nanny or using daycare can be very pricey. Since she'll be saving you a lot I'd make it worth it by doubling to $200

Answer 39

As a grandparent we just want to help our children it’s not about the money. Helping her pay her insurance is great, treat her to hair or nails now and then. But truly we just want to love our grand children. My daughter had our first granddaughter 8 months ago and we will do anything for her. The love is crazy ! Congratulations

Answer 40

As a grandparent it is one of life’s greatest blessings. If she chose to do this for you allow her to do so. If you’ve made the offer for more money and she refuses then make it clear if her insurance increases so does your payment to her. In the meantime little gift cards or special things every now and then will be enough. Trust me you allowing her this time is truly the most precious payment of all. On top of that it sounds as if you have already let her know it is appreciated and not expected. I have had the privilege of watching my granddaughter part of the time, she’s now almost 11, and I would not trade it for anything

Answer 41

My mom also retired early to watch my 2 boys. She also asked for $100/week, tearfully. Financially she couldn’t do it for free and I like paying her. Otherwise I’d feel like I was taking advantage. I know I’m saving a ton of $$ and she loves being with her grandkids. Every family situation is different! I know if my mom had the means she would probably pay US to let her babysit lol. She goes above and beyond and I am so grateful she is able to do this for us.  

Answer 42

If she’s only asking for $100/week I would do that, but also give her bonuses like a random gift card to her favorite restaurant or a spa gift card. Or even a gas gift card. You both are very lucky to have one another ! Good luck !  

Answer 43

My Mom watches my two toddlers and she doesn’t ask for anything in return. She loves watching them  

Answer 44

Pay her from your heart. If she will need more money to live off of, esp if she's retiring early, then pay her more. Think of how much you love your mom and want her to be able to live well without struggling.  

Answer 45

Watched my grandsons for 6 years. I offered, and considered it a special privilege to be able to have that time with them