Question

Hoping this group has some nom-judgmental advice. Anyone ever buy a house with someone they aren’t married to, or have advice for non-married couples looking to buy a house? What I am worried about mostly are logistics. We keep our finances separate because we aren’t married. He still has some debt and nowhere near the savings I have. Since I’d be the one putting in the down payment, all the advice from the Dave Ramsey group was that I should buy the house myself and “charge him rent”. But, you know how they are. It seems unfair if his half of the “rent” will be paying into a mortgage that would result in just me owning the property.  Additional backstory/details: My partner and I have been living together in the same apartment for 6. 5 years now. He already lived here for 5 years before I moved in. It is time to get out of here for real but I hate “throwing money away” on rent! I’m to the point in my financial plan where I really want to buy a house, so I can have it paid off before I retire (I’m 30 years old). I have $45, 000 from a relative that I can use as a down payment (it was meant to be my college fund but I was able to to to college without using it). I have a 6-month emergency fund saved (enough to cover the our FULL rent and expenses) and figured I’d spend the next year saving all my extra money for moving expenses.  

Answer 1

Don’t buy together! You buy the house yourself and he can make payments to you for rent and other bills.  

Answer 2

I’d make sure the house is ONLY in your name. It’s no different with him paying rent to you or paying rent to an apt, either way he doesn’t own anything so it’s not a “waste of money”

Answer 3

My coworker and her boyfriend bought a house together. 3 years later they are broken up and she is having a considerable amount of trouble

Answer 4

If you are still using “I” statements, I’d suggest to wait to go into this commitment with him. My husband and I recently got married after living together for 7 years. Rude awakening.  

Answer 5

Just because your married that's no guarantee you stay together either. What about couples that don't plan on ever getting married? Obviously different in the US from what I've read but in New Zealand and Australia once you live together for 2 years you're legally defacto and assets/debts can be split just the same as marriage.  

Comments

@libbi936 Same in Canada  

Answer 6

So when my husband and I bought our house we weren’t married but we did have kids together. The downpayment came from him and he had better credit so he bought the house. It doesn’t matter to me that I’m not on the house. I have student loan debt and a poor credit score and he doesn’t. We don’t keep our finances separate or anything now that we are married and eventually we will add me on to the house, but buying it in your name is the wise choice.  

Answer 7

I purchased a house with a guy about twenty yrs ago and we were not married. He walked out on me. The problem with that is that yes his name was on the loan however because we were not married I had no legal way to make him pay his share without ruining my credit in the process. At least if you are married and they leave you can divorce and force them to pay out.  

Answer 8

Put the house in you name . You put the down payment and you guys split the mortgage and utilities One way to look at is like he’s “paying rent “ but don’t look at like he’s paying your mortgage. Cause if you were living in an apartment he was paying rent in the first place so of course he should still pay monthly .  

Answer 9

Cousin bought a house with her own money for a down payment with the father of her children. 3 years later they separated and she could not sell the house without him and owed him half of the profits (equity) she made on the house sale ( he got an attorney) Check your state laws. It may not matter if he’s on the loan or not in some cases.  

Answer 10

If he doesn’t want to pay rent, pay down debt and get married. This is business-not personal. Treat it as such.  

Answer 11

My bff wanted to buy a house with her boyfriend. her mom INSISTED she do it herself, her mom helped her with the down payment. she did it by herself, had him contribute half of all bills including mortgage. they got married and then divorced - she was very happy that she listened to her mom

Answer 12

Following! In the process of buying a house. by credit, my down payment and my bf and his son will be living there. We will split the utilities and mortgage!  

Answer 13

I think Kumiko would say the same as the DR group. As someone who has been divorced - you learn quick the legal obligations of marriage. I still own that house in a city I haven’t lived in for 11 years. I also own the home we live in and if I remarried he would need to pay a portion for staying here. All business.  

Answer 14

You could purchase on your own and he pay his share of ALL bills. When you get married, the get his name put on the deed. If you don’t get married then he don’t. After all, he doesn’t have the money to buy a house anyway so no matter where he went he’d be “renting” anyway. Your money is getting it, your house. until you are married

Answer 15

I would not buy a house with someone unmarried unless you have been together over 10 years but that's just my personal preference. I also agree with @armenta12

Answer 16

Advice: don’t do it. I did it many years ago. Outcome not good.  

Answer 17

I bought a house with my husband before we were married or engaged. He had the money for the down payment so we put in a contract that if we broke up or needed to sell I was not entitled to that money. Any above that would be split.  

Answer 18

Go speak with an attorney. I ‘bought a house’ with my then boyfriend. We got married and I have zero right to our home because it’s a premarital asset (in his name). Never again.  

Answer 19

Go with @mika67029Ann's advice. I work at a family law office and second the suggestion! Told my sister the same thing. Keep a separate account for all house related items in your name, downpayment, mortgage, repairs, law care - ALL OF IT. Keep it clean and easy. Nobody ever prepares for the relationship to fall apart, but they should.  

Answer 20

LAWYER! AND FOLLOW THEIR ADVICE TO PROTECT YOURSELF

Answer 21

Why do you have to move into the bought property? Buy a property on your name and rent it out. Stay where you are and pay extra on your property so you have a investment. When he has his debt sorted you get married and buy a house together with a pre nup where the bought property is yours alone.  

Answer 22

Don't do it. Logistics for one and what if ya'll brake up ( hope it doesn't happen but married people don't get married thinking they will divorce either). Just be roommates . half everything. or get married.  

Answer 23

I'm in this situation. Actually I've been in it twice now. I bought the house both times, in my name they just pay have rent/utilities (however you want to work it out money wise). I put the down payment on both houses with just my money. Just my name. When I got divorced with my first house, I was able to claim the original down payment to get that back when the house sold (we split everything 50/50). This way I know I'm responsible for making the house payment and I can do it on my own if I need to. As others suggested maybe have something in writing as well cause you just never know, people get crazy when it comes to money.  

Answer 24

You haven’t really said what direction you and your BF are thinking of going in terms of your relationship. Some couples choose to never marry, but stay together indefinitely. Yes, Dave Ramsey model suggests avoiding purchasing a home as individuals, simply because he has found that it can lead to all kinds of legal entanglements. In light of that, seeking legal advice from a Real Estate Attorney May be helpful. Good luck!  

Answer 25

My now husband and I did this. I knew when i moved out of my parents house that there was no way i was spending money on rent in an apartment. I've always been the breadwinner of our relationship, but we went into the situation knowing exactly how everything would work. I bought the house by myself, everything in my name. And our agreement was I would pay the mortgage and he would pay the rest of the bills. At least I think that's how we did it lol it's been awhile. It worked for us. We never went into it with the intention of not being together of course, but I always made sure to make decisions that if something were to happen to his and my relationship, I'd be able to survive on my own. I definitely would not buy together as that would be more of a headache down the road if something were to happen in your relationship. Good luck and feel free to PM with any other questions!  

Answer 26

I would talk with your partner. Make a plan of how to handle the house together. Y'all have been together 6+ years. Then draw it up and have a Notary witness. Make sure its fair to you both if their is a split. You could ask for the down payment back plus 1/2 whatever it sells for. Or if you dont want to move (if a split happens) then I would say this is my plan to stay in this home for a good while. And then figure a plan out. Most important is to get it on paper and both sign with a notary.  

Answer 27

My situation is so similar to yours. My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years and I was itching to buy a house but he was content renting. Plus his credit is a bit lower than mine and he has student loans whereas I only had a car loan for debt, so I purchased the home. I have been told several times and I dont know if it's true that when we get married he will automatically go on the house too? I'm not sure but for the sake of ease that's what I'm hoping  it's worked out great we have lived in the house for 1. 5 years almost. Now because the house is in my name there are a few things here and there that I pay for without him but for the most part its 50/50 and we are both happy with how we proceeded in the situation!  

Comments

@gist28 regarding title to the house, it depends on what state you live in as community property laws vary. To be safe, when you get married you can either add or remove his interest via quitclaim deed.  

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@custombuilt thanks for the info!  

Answer 28

My ex and I were together several years and bought a house(not married), but it was the opposite (I was a SAHM and he worked). I refused to put my name on anything. When we split up a few years later, I realized just how smart that was. I was able to walk away without stressing about one more thing. He got to keep his house without having to fight me for it. We still had the custody issue but we didn’t have to worry about the property as well.  

Answer 29

I must be old school, to me marriage is about becoming one. Everything that’s my husbands is mine and what’s mine is his. If we’re going down, we’re going together and if we’re going up it’s together. Obviously I’m in the minority here and that’s ok.  

Answer 30

I would purchase yourself if you’re pretty much situated to do so. There’s no harm in sharing mortgage payments.  

Comments

@galven76 exactly

Answer 31

Now that Miko bought her house I wonder if her boyfriend will move in or if he will pay anything towards the home expenses. I wonder how their financials work in this type of scenario.  

Answer 32

I was in the same situation! He bought the house we had originally decided to put it in both our names and the first loan company we got told us we couldn’t do it that way so he bought the house and I pay half. Now we are not together and it made it soo much easier on moving out! No crazy stuff to get my name off the title and vise versa! My suggestion is buy it yourself if y’all end up getting married then you can put both names on it! Hope this helps!  

Answer 33

And definitely put it in your name if your putting 45, 000 down as a down payment because IF something happens and y’all end up not together you won’t be able to get that back!  

Answer 34

Since you are the one putting all of the down payment on the home, I think you should be the sole purchaser and have him pay "rent" because (god forbid) IF anything were to happen it would make things a whole lot easier. You can always add him to the deed later if you choose to!  

Answer 35

I see nothing wrong in charging him “rent” and having that go toward paying down your home. If you end up getting married or spending a lifetime partnership together then the investment is both of yours. Until that commitment happens, I would recommend keeping your investments safe. If things don’t work out, then having the finances separate will save a lot of stress and headache in the end. My partner and I have a similar setup and operate on the assumption that eventually each of our individual assets will end up being shared family assets.  

Answer 36

I agree with the dave Ramsey advice. No way would I be putting the down payment on the house and not call it my own. And I would never buy a house with a boyfriend.  

Answer 37

Maybe the agreement could be you buy the house, put down your money and once he matched it with his “rent” or whatever you choose to call it then he can be added to the title giving him 50% ownership once invested? That way if you ever sell the house you both get your money back out? Just a thought because I agree it can be sticky on both ends, you’ve been living together so I feel he has earned your trust or you wouldn’t be thinking of buying a house. maybe you can play it from this angle: My husband and I have been together 16 years we keep all loans separate (accounts together) so our credit is virtually spotless because neither carries debt on everything. currently he carries the loan on the house and I carry the loan on all cars and any other debt (this is simply because I own my business so the house thing is an issue with bank) because we keep these separate we just qualified for a second investment property because his debt to income ratio is so small. Maybe approach it with him this way so he won’t want his name on it to keep his credit “open and available”

Answer 38

Do not buy it together. Since he still has debt if anything were to happen where he can't make payments and a lien or judgment is issued, it will attach to any real estate owned in his name. You could create a trust, buy the property in the name of the trust, and name him the successor trustee. If anything happens to you the property can go to him and you avoid probate. If you're not using your savings to help pay off his debt and then start saving for a house together, then you shouldn't be purchasing real estate together.  

Answer 39

Oh wow sis! This just doesn’t sound like a good move. Please take your time moving forward.  

Answer 40

If you want to buy a house than buy a house on your own. If he lives with you then he can pay 1/2 of utilities and the property tax and buy furniture you pick out your bet but of something happens you can easily divide things up and if you pay the more that’s it’s your house. If you decide to have him contribute 50% the track what he contributes so if you split you can pay him back . but home owners insurance and all utilities and home expenses can be split 50/50 bit any repairs and mortgage that stays with house if you sell it then it’s you as the owners responsibility. basically you are in a situation you are leasing 1/2 the house to him

Answer 41

We were married, the down payment was with just my money, and we put the house in my name only. This was mostly to protect the asset from his ex-wife & son who didn’t want anything to do with him. We both contributed towards all household expenses. He had life-time use of the house if I died; upon his death, it was to go back to my blood family. He had a $50k life insurance with son was beneficiary and this was noted in his will. 15 years & 3 children later, we sold the house & purchased another one in both our names.  

Answer 42

I’d buy by yourself and have him pay rent and buy something you can afford on your own.  

Answer 43

You can always have him added to the mortgage and title later. You’re worrying over a technicality that won’t mean much to your relationship long term IMO.  

Answer 44

Don’t buy a house with a boyfriend! IF y’all decide marriage isn’t wanted, then you’re protecting yourself. After 6. 5 yrs of living together, I’d be at the point of out up or shut up. We’d either be getting married or splitting. Just what I’d do.  

Answer 45

My boyfriend of 8 years purchased a home in 2018. We have not shared finances at all and will not start until we are married. We just got engaged earlier this month and we are putting money in a joint account for the wedding but again, will not merge accounts until we say I do. I helped him pick out the house but he paid for everything and is currently paying mortgage/all utilities alone. I love him dearly but I was not going to invest in a home that may or may not have been mine. I have substantial savings compared to him so it didn’t make sense to me. I would wait until you’re married because things can go downhill very fast. I would also not expect him to go halfsies with you on the mortgage. Not fair to him.  

Answer 46

Absolutely do not purchase a home with someone you are not married to. And dont buy a home with a partner that does not have the same savings goals as you or the same amount to contribute towards purchasing a home. If and when you break you would have to pay him out of his portion of the home that is yours.