+60 votes
by (4k points)
So I really started diving into my budgeting, expenses, bills, all of it. And of course starting in May puts me behind in my sinking funds. So what does that mean? Higher amounts each week! Holy moly. BUT it also makes me realize we spend so much money. My biggest item is Christmas and birthdays. For Christmas we buy for 50 people. How do you cut them out? We have a huge family. Between my siblings and I there are 17 kids (3 are mine) and on my husbands side there are 11. I also buy for some extended family members. There are 6 that we buy for that just graduated last year or are graduating. When do we cut it off? This year I have decided to cut down the amt we spend on each person. But our Christmas gift budget is $1500. Insane! And it's always been higher. Tips, thoughts?  
So I really started diving into my budgeting, expenses, bills, all of it.

60 Answers

+7 votes
by (2.3k points)
 
Best answer
Buy a gift for each family. A board game or gift card for them to go to movies as a family or something like that! That was you don’t have to buy for nieces and nephews individually. I have a big family too and for us all the adults split up all the names and everyone gets Christmas jammies so that’s an option as well!  
+39 votes
by (2.3k points)
My dads side of the family is huge. For kids in school, kid draws a name at Thanksgiving and each kid gets one present. Anyone out of high school and older we do a dirty Santa. Everyone gets a gift but there usually is a $25 limit for both the kids toys and dirty Santa gifts
by (1.3k points)
@spanjian11546 what is a dirty Santa?  
by (2.3k points)
@flag22 everyone brings 1 present and puts in on a table. Then everyone who provided a present draws a number. Whoever draws #1 picks a present. #2 can either pick a present off of the table OR they can “steal” the present #1 got. Each Present can be “stolen twice”. The 3rd person to get the present gets to keep it. At the very end, #1 gets to chose to keep the present they have or do one final steal.  
by (2.3k points)
I hope that was explained okay
by (1.3k points)
@spanjian11546 yes! We have played this before, but I didn’t know what it was called. Thank you!  
+55 votes
by (1.2k points)
How fun with all the family! Do Christmas: Does all the family buy for all the kids? Maybe do a secret Santa exchange and only buy for one.  
by (4k points)
@ignaciaignacio4652 no that's the thing they don't. I'm the only one.  
by (1.2k points)
@relapse92 Then I wouldn’t. Save now for you and your family.  
+25 votes
by (3.8k points)
We have a big family, too. I have over 30 first cousins. My dads side of the family draws names for anyone 17 and under. Once you’re 18 there is a white elephant game. Really helps the budget! Also, don’t be afraid to suggest something because you’re probably not the only one who stresses over it. That’s a lot of gifts!  
+41 votes
by (5.7k points)
So my husbands side don't do gifts period  at first it made me sad but then I figured we have to buy less ‍♀️. My sisters and I buy for our own kids. meaning right now we all have two each and budget is around $20. So I just buy for my kids "from" aunt @radiotelegraph and aunt ellie etc. they are very generous with their gift giving to kids we are not so we just use two of the gifts we got them as their gifts. We do not do adult gifts for Xmas or birthdays. I live in a different country maybe it would be different if I didn't but we stopped that a long time ago. You could also do like a secret Santa or white elephant that can be fun
+22 votes
by (3k points)
May be do like a gift per family, instead of individual
+41 votes
by (1.3k points)
1. All the adults and kids could draw names so that each person in your family is buying one Christmasgift for someone else (so, if there are 2 adults and 2 children in the home, you are only buying 4 Christmas gifts for extended family members). It probably won’t be hard to get everyone’s buy-in; others would likely want to spend less too. 2. Buy the nieces’ and nephews’ birthday cards at the dollar store and include $5-$10 or whatever you are comfortable with. I think it would be essential for you to explain to family members why you are making these changes so they understand you aren’t being stingy, but you need to cut back on expenses. Hope this helps!  
+14 votes
by (2.9k points)
To cut down we put all the kids name in a hat and draw names. We set a limit this not only help our budget but it help everyone else. We also have the kids list 3 things they would like to have that is within that limit.  
+54 votes
by (3.6k points)
Would your family be amenable to a secret Santa or a white elephant idea for the kids? That’s a lot of people to buy for!  
by (4k points)
@ceramics761 they dont buy my children anything. Only one of my sisters does. I'm the only one who gives bday or Christmas.  
+19 votes
by (1.4k points)
Christmas gifts were getting way to insane for our family. We’ve now said we only buy for the kids and not adults. So I only really have my son, my niece and nephew, and my partners niece. I’ll usually buy my parents something aswell though
by (1.4k points)
You could also maybe think of doing a secret Santa instead of having to buy for everyone  
+29 votes
by (3.8k points)
The only nieces and nephews we buy for are our godchildren.  
+38 votes
by (9.9k points)
My friend's husband has a big extended family so their Christmas tradition every year is to do Secret Santa for one person. Max. amount to spend on the one person is $50. Here's the catch. EVERYONE MUST make a list of items they want, the price of each item, what store to buy it from, what size, what color, etc The list was awesome and so precise! I wanted to be in their Secret Santa! Great family tradition you could start this year. Starting now!  
+37 votes
by (2.7k points)
We buy for NO ONE besides our 6 kids. We barely have enough for that. Hoping to rectify that this year with saving. Do a family digt basket like a movie and popcorn or family games and some hit chocolate or whatever. Cut that budget down. Holy Hannah!  
+9 votes
by (620 points)
We buy for our kids and something small for our parents. That’s it.  
+24 votes
by (1.9k points)
Buy only for my own kids. I used to spend tons of money on every one of my nieces & nephews. Now that we have no jobs it’s time to cut that off.  
+5 votes
by (3.7k points)
Just let everyone know ahead of time, this year you will only be buying presents for your children and that they are not obligated to buy anything for your family this year. If they don't understand then that is their issue.  
by (4k points)
@yama9 no one buys for our children. My husband is good with not buying for anyone. It's me that does this and cant get myself out of it lol. And I've already bought for a good chunk of my list. I start in January.  
+3 votes
by (4.2k points)
Name draw absolutely. We just switched to that with my family a few years ago and we all love it. Way less stress and you can spend a little more to get something they really want instead of cheaper more trinkety type things they won’t use. We also don’t do nieces and nephews. Just the adults (the kids are little). 50 people is a lot! I think family should totally understand if you want to stop doing gifts for everyone. And I wouldn’t be surprised if they appreciate someone bringing it up!  
+25 votes
by (650 points)
With our family of 70 we stopped doing gifts as it’s too much. For a couple of years we did where it was draw a name at thanksgiving and that’s who you buy one gift for at Christmas, But then it got to be a never ending gift opening evening. So we all agreed each family does their own thing at home and we get together for dinner to fellowship together. We all get a gift for our parents but that’s it.  
+25 votes
by (1.5k points)
Yes, stop buying 50 people presents. That's cra. Think about the meaning of Christmas. it's not consumerism
+29 votes
by (4.5k points)
For Christmas we started doing secret Santa or white elephant. You could bring that up to your family as an idea?  
+33 votes
by (2k points)
We do a secret Santa. Best idea ever!  
+44 votes
by (730 points)
Honestly we stopped doing doing gifts with siblings. We just do Nieces and nephews. Shop sales throughout the year!  
by (730 points)
Oh and with the nieces and nephews we draw names.  
+53 votes
by (590 points)
The past few years we have done the dice game. Everyone brings one $10 gift and sits in a circle. Everyone takes turns rolling a dice and does whatever is assigned for that number (roll a one and everyone passes to the left, etc). It’s a lot of fun and much cheaper than buying for everyone. We usually go around the circle a few times.  
by (4k points)
@berserker what is that game called?  
+5 votes
by (9k points)
Your kids and maybe something small for your parents. I would never buy 50 people gifts?  
by (4k points)
@linkage I know its crazy! His side buys for everyone when we get together and to be honest I'd rather not get a gift. Especially because I'm pretty particular with things. I got a handful of gifts. last year that I did nothing with. I feel bad but it just wasn't my taste of things. I'm very thankful they thought of me but.  
by (4k points)
Let me correct this. It's not just his family who gets me things I dont use. That sounded really bad. I'm just very particular. I buy thrift store clothes because I like name brand clothes that last for a long time (J. Crew, Madewell, Gap, Lucky, etc) vs. Spending $10 on an item that will fall apart. I splurge on my makeup because it's really the only thing I buy myself besides on occasion getting my hair done. I'm very basic with my jewelry and have had the same pieces for many years.  
by (9k points)
@relapse92 no I get it  I’m the same way.  
+35 votes
by (9k points)
On my moms side we each bring a $30 gift and then play the game where you draw numbers and can steal from each other. So much fun.  
+47 votes
by (5.6k points)
We had cousins draw names. Anyone 18 got cut from the list. Adulthood sucks! 18 yr olds now get to participate in white elephant with the “older” adults.  
+42 votes
by (2.5k points)
In my family when we have 20 years we don't have presents for christmas. And I understand that!  
+53 votes
by (1.8k points)
Big family on both sides and we would pick a name from a hat and had a set $ limit for that gift.  
+40 votes
by (1.7k points)
We stop buyin presents for those over 14yrs(not our kids though). There is a price limmit to each present. They don't have to big or expensive, just small fun things. Kids like to get pacages, they usually don't care what's inside
+53 votes
by (4.7k points)
I have one child (sole custody and daughters mother hasn't been involved or in the picture at all in the past 14 years). and my three sister each have one child. We generally go in on gifts for our parents, and we only buy gifts for the kids. We communicate this each year. We also don't buy gifts for birthdays outside of the kids. we get together and celebrate. have some food, hang out. but no gifts. Have a conversation with your family members. Tell them what you are trying to accomplish and how cutting back (on both sides) would help you achieve your goals. Everything is about communication.  
+32 votes
by (1.3k points)
I have a huge family too. What we’ve decided is gifts only for kids. Adults, we do secret Santa. I start buying Christmas gifts on off season for small kids like at the end of Winter, I’ll keep an eye on clothes that are not too trendy or pajamas. I also try to stock up on bath and body works when they have sale items and coupons so I can do gift boxes.  
+28 votes
by (8k points)
My mom’s family used to draw names for both adults and kids, so that each person only has to buy one gift. Now that everyone is grown (with only a few small kids), we don’t do gifts at all except for the little ones (if which there are only 3). We usually go in on a bigger present.  
+29 votes
by (1.6k points)
We draw names and have a theme. My aunt drew my name and gave me blue boxers with bears on them, it was the best Christmas ever.  
+19 votes
by (880 points)
My husband and I only buy gifts for the nieces and nephews which is 21 kids and then our best friends’ 3 children and i have a brother under the age of 18 so he’ll continue to get a gift until he moves out of my parents and we have 2 children ourselves we were tight this past year on Christmas so we went to 5 and below to buy their gifts we were able to get gifts that the kids liked for less and didn’t get them an outfit this year. Before we would go to target and Walmart and buy each child a toy $25 or less and then one outfit and if we knew the family had money problems we’d buy an extra outfit. People will understand if you dont get them a gift that time of year is hard because we want to please everyone and not leave people out but that’s hard because money sometimes gets tight I felt really bad when we lowered our spending budget and cut some people out but that was best for our family.  
+15 votes
by (8k points)
My mom has 4 sisters and there is 18 kids between the 5 of them, plus now my 2. For Christmas we put all of the kids names in a hat and you buy for the amount of kids you have. Kind of like a secret Santa except it’s not secret. It makes it so every kid gets a gift but we don’t have to buy for everyone.  
+34 votes
by (6.9k points)
A few different things. Which I am sure everyone already shared. 1. Secret Santa 2. White elephant. 3. There are xmas gift type games. 4. Tell them you would like to cut the gifts down. Someone else might be wanting to do the same and afraid to speak up. 5. Do 1 gift idea per family.  
+34 votes
by (3.5k points)
So my stepmoms side of the family was like that. Something like 20 Grandchildren. Instead of everyone buying for everyone, we just started drawing names. So you only had to buy for one person. Saved so much money and also took the stress out of buying for so many people.  
0 votes
by (6.8k points)
I have 7 kids my brother has 2. We stopped buying presents for the kids years ago and usually go in and buy something special for my mom. Like we will buy her flowers for her garden for mothers day. She just bought a new house so we are going to help her remodel the kitchen.  
+31 votes
by (1.3k points)
We do a secret santa gift exchange for nieces and nephews. Each one of our children gets for one cousin. And we have set amounts depending on age. It definitely helps with the budget. And the kids LOVE it! They are always excited to help with their cousin gift.  
+50 votes
by (2.7k points)
If you are the only one in the family that buys for everyone this is the year to bow out, don’t think anyone will say a thing with COVID. If you can’t quit cold turkey put together family baskets like Dinner and a movie. Put a gift card to their favorite restaurant in a basket that has popcorn, candy, 2 liter of soda, and a movie. Switch it up with the theme, Dinner and dessert - stuff to make a no bake cheesecake, Dinner and game night - card games like uno, skipbo, Dinner and .! Wait to buy the cards until the promos come out and keep the bonus cards to treat yourself or buy them at Costco or Sams.  
by (3.6k points)
@geneviegenevieve This is a great recommendation! I think OP loves to give gifts, and this will ease the budget strain.  
+50 votes
by (590 points)
If the kids draw names, then you would be down to 6 gifts (3 on each side of the family). Down from 27 it looked like. Then you could even spend a little more on each of those gifts and still save a ton of money!  
+48 votes
by (1.8k points)
My husband has a huge extended family, easily 25+ people to buy for not including my family or our kids. About 2 yrs ago the realized how thin people were spread trying to buy so many gifts so we only do presents for the kids under 16. If other family members want to get something specific for an adult it’s optional but not required. All the adults then bring 1 NICE $30-$50 present to play dirty Santa with. The better the presents the better it works, the first yr we had boring lotion sets and bathrobes, but last year we had Amazon tablets, mini fridges, and other great stuff to play for! Makes it more fun, less expensive for everyone involved.  
+40 votes
by (9.6k points)
In our family everyone buys gifts for the kids under 21, and once they're 21 they are able to take part in the family Elfster! For cousins/nieces/nephews, we limit the $ amount. Our family isn't quite as large as yours, but we do 20-30 per kid. You may get by with $5-$10 for younger kids, andaybe do $20-25 gift card for older ones.  
+8 votes
by (570 points)
We spend $10 (15 max) on kids that are not our own. I just shop clearance. For adults on my husband's side (there are 9 adults) we draw names and have a max of $25 but most just make things instead of buying. Our kids (we have 4) is $150-$200 max for everything. My moms family used to have kids draw names and adults draw names and had a $20 max when we would all get together. There were over 30 adults and 15 kids at that time).  
+9 votes
by (3.6k points)
I don’t buy for everyone- in fact, we draw names for Christmas. We have a spending limit, and play a fun game when we exchange. That being said, my sister doesn’t play by the rules. She buys for all of us and our kids. I know her heart is in the right place, but it’s not necessary. They are also a 1 income family. As the auntie of her 3 beautiful kiddos, I’d rather her save that money for them. Just my viewpoint, from the other side.  
by (4k points)
@ballerina54743 definitely a good point! ❤️
+15 votes
by (900 points)
Wow thats an amazing sized family♥️. Can all the adults organise a secret santa instead of everyone buying everyone gifts? E. g. an agreed budget amount is spent on each kid and you buy for one or two (whatever you agree) and then all meet up making a big show of swapping the presents? So you might spent more on the one kid e. g $100 but that might have been what everyones combined total would have been anyway? Xx
+15 votes
by (7.2k points)
I would use this year to say that the gifting is not going to be the same as previous years. My husband's aunt/uncle & grandparents give us & our kids some nice gifts, but I cant afford to buy for their whole family, and they dont really "need" anything. So I make a gift bag with a couple bath & body soaps and bake a few different things. They love the treats and its "homemade. " Plus, its much more budget friendly than a random gift or gift card.  
+22 votes
by (1.3k points)
There are 7 kids in my family. 5 of us are married, and 4 of us have children. We do a rotation by family, including my parents. Some Christmases we spend more, some less. But it takes a lot of pressure off because we don't have to shop for/spend money on everyone. And everyone's happy.  
+44 votes
by (1.6k points)
We draw names between the kids, and then the adults in my family. We do also get for our parents regardless. We still end up getting more more people because we have the most kids but it definitely helps not having to get for everyone.  
+39 votes
by (19.7k points)
Honestly. i only buy for the people in my house. That alone is my 6 kids, my 4 bonus kids, my parents and then myself, my fiance and my ex (long story. ) Everyone else gets photos possibly framed In addition we have 2 kids birthdays, my fiance and me and my FIL birthdays in the week before and the week after christmas. Everyone else is on their own lol
+9 votes
by (3k points)
The cousins on my mom's side always drew names in our famil, then spent under a certain amount, so that no one felt pressure to outspend their means. On my dad's side, we drew families.  
+35 votes
by (850 points)
My family does secret santa sometimes for the adults. that way you're only buying one gift. We all usually get a little something for the children though
+35 votes
by (1.2k points)
My family isn't that big and we do --- Adults (siblings / parents/ and all nieces / nephews etc over 18 ) -- we either draw names from hats so you're buying one gift. Or if we know we will be together we do one of those gift exchange games so were all again only buying one. Then we buy just for the young kids. Might be more complicated with such a large group but maybe there is some variation of this that would work for you
+4 votes
by (1.3k points)
We make a Christmas craft each year & gift those to extended members of our family. We only purchase fists for immediate family (and that’s still 27 people).  Extended family is 85 people. Our craft we usually do is 1 per family so we don’t have to make so many!  
+39 votes
by (1.4k points)
Our kids (the grandkids) do Secret Santa on my side (I have 3 sisters, 3 BILs, and 11 nieces and nephews on that side alone). On my husband's side we only buy for the kids and his parents. Last year I did buy for the siblings too. This year I'm going to suggest the Secret Santa for his family too. don't know how receptive it will be but I'll try!  
+36 votes
by (8.2k points)
For our children we buy $50 to $100 per kid on individual gifts then we buy 1 larger "family" gift. This last year it was a kids tablet. We buy Xmas cards for our parents and grandparents. We also will participate in family white elephant if we are going to that side. We alternate between Xmas at my fam and hubs which are all out of our current state
+51 votes
by (630 points)
A few years ago, we started drawing names for gifts as well. Each adult draws 2 kids names, and then 1 adult. It helps sooo much, and the kids still have plenty of gifts to open. (Same problem here - huge immediate/extended family! )
+33 votes
by (5.6k points)
I started with too many sinking funds and couldn’t keep up. A few weeks ago Miko said she started with 1 sinking fund for Christmas because she would end up using the credit card. As she started paying off her debt she started adding more sinking funds. So, I’d typically put Christmas on a credit card so I started with that.  
+8 votes
by (2.4k points)
Also from a big family. Over 30 on each side of my parents. Hubs side has about 10 but they are in Alaska and Florida so we don’t see them often and buy for his parents only. When we go up we are everyone else’s gift because it’s so expensive to get there and theyre not the ones visiting us lol. For my family on dads side we do white elephant with a $20 limit per person, the dirtier or more inappropriate the better. Moms side which is the bigger side we did do a secret Santa before but now we do a kinda white elephant but $25 limit and it has to be appropriate or as seen on tv weird stuff. People buy for kids if they want to and most find some good deals on kids stuff so they always end up with a bunch
+25 votes
by (2k points)
Our family stopped buying for the adults and just get stuff for the kids. So we get my nephews gifts but nothing for my sister/brother/SIL/BIL. Our family is smaller but it definitely helps
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