Question

Y'all!  My husband just dropped $500 on a unneeded bumper for his four runner after weeks of me telling him I am Trying to save to take our middle daughter to Disney world for her 5th birthday in July.Y'all! My husband just dropped $500 on a unneeded bumper for his four runner after weeks of me telling him I am Trying to save to take our middle daughter to Disney world for her 5th birthday in July. this is a month after he dropped another $500 on a drone last month  all the while I cut my own hair and rotate through the same 3 shirts on my days off of wearing goodwill black scrubs. I'm done. I opened my own account this morning and I guess I'll be the one to take her to Disney world alone. GRR Does anyone else have separate finances? How do you do it when he doesn't follow? We go out to eat. ALOT. I'm so sad. and frustrated ***edit** I posted this a week ago, I'm unsure why it's now being approved. I've separated accounts and I think he's starting to realize he doesn't actually make that much more than me and he doesn't have the money to blow anymore ‍♀️

Answer 1

Tell him he gets to be the one to tell your daughter why she doesn’t get to go to Disney World for her birthday.  

Answer 2

Does he also want to take her to Disney World?  

Comments

@theophrastus he says he does but money burns a hole in his pocket

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Ty @disabuse sorry to hear. I was cutting a lot of expenses to keep my daughter out of daycare. I saw my husband frivilously spending and I said F that. Our daycare bill has doubled but because it's convenience for me. I told him why should I be the one cutting expenses while he spends spends spends. Now he talks about budgeting.  

Answer 3

We do. We have a joint account my husbands check goes into. I know how much his bills are so each check goes in there and he transfers what he needs and I take the rest for our bills. My check goes in my own account. It’s not a trust thing or anything. He just doesn’t get bills and planning. So I have to do this or we would be homeless.  

Answer 4

If you take her to Disney world for her 5th birthday, how are you going to match that for the next 13 years? Just thinking he might not be buying into DW and you’re not buying into what he is. Is there another financial goal you can work on together that you are both passionate about?  

Comments

@hoot758 we don't but we've taken our oldest on her fifth birthday and I wanted the same for her. I don't match birthdays, every year is different and no there isn't. I want to travel more.  

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@hoot758 I mean it doesn’t need to be matched it’s one special day. And it’s his daughter

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I understand where you are coming from but but we took our 4 year old for his birthday and made sure to have many conversations on how this was a special gift and would only happen occasionally. He didn't bat an eye when we had a small backyard BBQ for his 5th birthday. It's all in the appoach.  

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@jetty she doesn't even know that that was plan. it's more what I wanted to do. the whole gist of saving money for DW was to travel. her birthday is actually in June but DW in July was My goal

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But his goal seems to be buying materialistic crap we don't need

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@hoot758 I have done crazy big parties and small family parties. We have done small weekend trips and trips across the world. My children have never felt something needed to matched to a previous vacay or celebration. I think as adults we get that crap in our head.  

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Ty @disabuse have you asked him about his goals and if you can work together?  

Answer 5

Thats hella sad

Answer 6

I posted this a week ago, not sure why it's just now getting approved but now that I've separated our monies it's now coming to light how much I do actually make and how much money he doesn't have ‍♀️

Comments

For awhile he thought he was the big bread winner. wrong I make $200 less and work half as much. I just get paid so oddly he never put it together

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Ty @disabuse are you splitting the bills equally?  

Answer 7

Husband and I keep our accounts separate because he hated talking about money and he hated budgeting. However, this year we are buckling down. I told him we need to run large purchases by each other or I won’t help him pay off his debt. If I can cut down on my spending, so can he.  

Answer 8

Honestly Id save for one adult to go to Disney World then. That's ridiculous.  

Comments

@sturrock I agree

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If it were unexpected expenses like a mechanical issue then yeah that would be fine, but a drone? Hell no. My husband and I would be having it out. If you aren't going to split your money then you guys should discuss an amount that you need to speak on before you spend. Ours is like $50. If he is randomly gonna get something, which is fine every once in a while, but it's more than that amount he calls. Its saved us from unnecessary expenditures more than once.  

Answer 9

I'm sorry, I would be pretty upset too. My hubby and I do not spend more than $100 without discussing first. So id put my foot in my hubby's ass for that (and vice versa lol) I really hope he gets it and you guys can come to a compromise you both can do :)

Answer 10

We have always kept ours separate, but we do have access to each other’s accounts in case of emergency or if we’re picking up something for the other. We each have our own bills to pay, and it works out for us. We’ve been doing this for 3 years and have never had an argument about it

Comments

@woolfell us too. Going on 25 years! It is perfect for us.  

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@meadows6 yes! We figured we would find enough things to argue about, we don’t want money to be one of those things  

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@woolfell exactly!  

Answer 11

Been with my husband for 4 1/2 years and have always kept everything separate. except for one time and we argued about money SO MUCH. we split everything 50/50, always have and probably always will. i keep track of all bills. i tell him what we need to pay every 2 weeks & he sends his half  this works so well for us. we use my bank account for savings because with pnc you get a certain percentage back for keeping money in your growth account!  

Comments

Ps, i could NEVER put up with uneeded expensive items like that. almost anything we buy, we discuss with each other. not to be controlling but in my book, it’s respectful and a big part of communication in a relationship.  

Answer 12

Amazing isn’t it? And yet these men had us under their thumbs for so long giving us “housekeeping money “ and they controlled the rest. Grrrr so glad I’m on my own these days. But let me tell you about my son. nah don’t want to bring you all down  

Answer 13

Why you americans always have joined bank Accounts in marriage? here in europe people have separate Accounts for there finances even when they are married and it is not that Big deal. Joined Accounts for everthing are rare here - sometimes couples have a joined Account for there living costs like rent, electric, Internet, . but thats it. I realy wanna understand that fact because i was wondering all the Time, when i read posts like that

Comments

@cerveny I hope someone could give us an educated response to this! It would be interesting!  

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@cerveny I’d be interested to. I’m in Australia and none of my friend or family share bank accounts. They might have a joint one for like bills, home deposit saving etc. But for the most part we split finances

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My husband and I have been married 11 years, together for 18, and still have separate accounts. It used to bother me but now I’m grateful.  

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For us, we share accounts because we share everything big in our marriage. Chores, finances, decision making etc. Sometimes I make more than him and sometimes he makes more than me. We share the burden equally of all expenses and chat about big purchases but we both know we can spend money within reason without consulting the other. It works best for us because there’s no inequality in who makes more when or who pays for what. We just do it together.  

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@cerveny my bf and I are getting joint accounts only for expenses having to do with groceries/household items and our son. Each paycheck we will transfer over a budgeted $$, that way which ever one of us goes grocery shopping has the money.  

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@cerveny Bit of a sweeping statement there! I'm also in Europe and any married couple I'm friends with (i. e know well enough to talk finances) all have joint bank accounts.  

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@irremissible i know no one that have joined Account here were i live or at work, or my friends ‍♀️

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@cerveny I cant imagine NOT having joint finances. I think for us personally, it’s a marriage, we talked about all of this in our pre marriage classes, what our goals were, we were on the same page from day one, 24 years ago

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@yogi what are pre marriage classes ? I was in long term relationships before and even with my actual boyfriend - i would never ever wanna have a joined Account. Yes i love my boyfriend and yes in 1-3 years we wanna move together but my finances are mine and his finances are his. We both think that. We just would have a joined Account for our fix expenses but not our variable expenses. We also have goals together.  

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@cerveny it’s a class you participate in with your pastor and other couples, probably something that you hear about if your a regular Sunday church goer , we both grew up and met and church so we have always tried to involve our church in every part of our life, we took some tests to figure out where we both stood on certain issues of marriage, family and money and we figured that out BEFORE we got married. We view marriage as a joint endeavor, everything is combined, we work together to figure out our issues, celebrate the good things and to get us through the bad days. I personally just cannot imagine a life where we are together but our finances are separate, it just doesn’t make sense to me

Answer 14

Good idea! Knock some sense into him. My hubby & I had desperate finances when I worked. When we had to buckle down. he gave the money management to me!  

Answer 15

My husband and I have been married for 13 years (together for 16) and have separate accounts. The only joint account we have is an emergency fund we both contribute to. I find that it's easier and less stressful to have my own account vs shared because I always know how much I have. I don't have to ask "permission" before making a big purchase, or wonder if we have enough money to buy something. If my husband is running low on money, then he realizes it's him and not me (which is nice! ) and it makes him budget his own money.  

Answer 16

My husband is the spender and I am the penny pincher. We have a joint account and then I have an account. It is OUR money but I pay all bills and say money out of the single account. That is how we are able to save. He is a truck driver so he decided the amount he wanted left in his account to live off of and we pay the bills together. But on pay day I move the money as soon as it hit the joint account. Some people think it is rude but it works for us. If my husband did not like it, we would do something else. This has worked for 20 years of marriage

Answer 17

I’ve had separate accounts since the day we met. We have been together 21 years and married for 18. Never had a fight about money

Answer 18

My husband decided to separate his money from my money, certain I was the reason he couldn’t buy everything he wanted. He makes three times what I make. We did divide the household bills based on that percentage difference of income. He’s since found out is it wasn’t me who was being a spendthrift.  

Answer 19

I do want to point out that both of you are spending frivolously. You are right he probably didn't need the bumper and who really needs a drone? But not every child NEEDS to go to DISNEY either. The two of you really need to sit down and look where your spending leading you and what your real goals are. I took my mids to theme parks, not disney, and they survived. My husband i made repairs to our vehicles with 3 party products and guess what? They didn't fall off and contrary to what some people think, no one stopped us and said oh that door isn't original. The biggest issue i see here is that you are both spending and planning as individuals and not as couple.