Question

So I need some advice. I’m fine with having my cc debt Cuz I’m paying off but not loading my cc’d all the way up again which was the problem in the first place, but I received my refund 6k which I already had a plan for but my mother yesterday pulled me aside to say to not spend it all because she always has to backpay taxes and she doesn’t want to dip into her savings for it. Now my dilemma is from the 6k I paid of 1k of cc debt that was under my stepdads name & 3k on my moms card which is concert tickets that’s where I had planned to use the other 2k on hotel and flights because the tickets are non sellable or refundable. Now I will have the money coming in slowly to cover that but there also flights and that worries me the most , especially since all the prices are going up as I go waiting. She also has no idea when she’s going to do her taxes or when she would pay that money back since 1k was aside for my daughters dental things. We have a shared property( both on the title) but I pay the gas water light internet & the kitchen remodel loan plus any house supplies like detergent toilet paper , paper towel & food every 2 weeks for the entire household (including my way older brother who doesn’t pay a dime) . Would it be fair for me to use what I have available now to pay for my flights now as planned and if she needs money just tell her this is what I have available? Or just pass her the remaining 2k as she asked & possibly screw myself on decent flight prices.  

Answer 1

Sorry I’m a little confused. Your mom is asking you for $2k so she doesn’t have to dip into her own savings?  

Comments

@hampton9 I would buy your tickets and she can figure out the taxes later or set up a payment plan on the taxes if need be. Not your responsibility!  

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@adenectomy I’ve been paying her back taxes for the last 6 years but I did mention to her at the beginning of the year that I had a plan for the money since were doing a Disney cruise for my daughters 10th birthday but everyone found it to pricey so I’m paying for the entire party. So I’m going to do there taxes the last possible moment I can since by mid March I’ll have what she usually backpays. For most of flights tho , I shopped around for the cheapest option possible.  

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@hampton9 Walt a minute, does she pay you back?! Why is it your responsibility to pay her back taxes? And why are you responsible to pay for every person to the Disney cruise? Sounds like you are getting the shitty end of the stick and are getting taken advantage of girl.  

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@lapham I offered to pay for everyone since they said it was to out of there budget for a cruis and my daughter really wanted these specific family members to go. & no she’s never paid me back. Says she will but seem to forget

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@hampton9 makes sense for the cruise. (I have 2 daughters and would do the same! ) However don’t pay it, tell her I’m not paying for YOUR taxes this year especially since you haven’t paid me back the past 6 years, and my older brother doesn’t pay for anything and I pay for everything.  

Answer 2

If your mom has the money in her savings, then that’s what she needs to use to pay HER taxes. I have similar money issues with my mom and eventually it’s come to be a huge burden on myself. If you already had a plan for your money and it works for you, do it. Don’t use your money to pay her taxes when in reality she can pay them with money she has, even if it is her savings

Answer 3

Do what you had planned with YOUR money

Answer 4

Sounds like you planned 5000 for your trip

Answer 5

I agree with the others that it’s on your mom to pay her taxes and it’s incredibly unfair of her to ask you to use your refund because she doesn’t want to dip into her savings. Plus you’re paying for a lot of the housing costs which adds a bit more to the unfairness. Do whatever you planned to do with the money and if you still want to help her, just tell her “here’s how much I can help you with. ”

Answer 6

Just offer 1k and use the money you have for yourself.  

Comments

@hampton9 BTS?  

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@stool81394 yes I got tickets for 6 of the stops

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@hampton9 OMG!  I may be the only in the budget group but I support it!  

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@stool81394 I got Soundcheck for 5 of the stops including 1 stop with my little one .  

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@hampton9 really!? Omg which cities are you going to.  

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@stool81394 Dallas Orlando Atlanta New York dc chicago

Answer 7

If it’s your culture to take of your parents no matter what then the decision is ultimately up to you. But from most people’s perspective we do not support our parents financially and disagree with funding your mom 2k. My husband is Jamaican and he was raised to financially support his parents whenever they need it. I wholeheartedly disagree to this. My parents would never ask me for money or expect me to give them any of my money no matter where it came from.  

Comments

@spinks15 I’m Jamaican and I fully agree with you, this has caused problems between me and my mom, I don’t know if it’s a culture thing or what or it’s just their mindset that we has their child should be obligated to their every needs, I think that’s wrong. I don’t mind helping every now and then but it shouldn’t be our responsibility to be a yes man all the time.  

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@certainly my husband feels like his mom only wants to speak to him when she needs money. She still lives in Jamaican. It makes me so sad that he feels like that. I think it is 100% a culture thing and I try to respect it the best I can and my husband understands that we can’t send her money all of time. He doesn’t want to give her money most of the time because she makes him feel that way. He’s in school now and we barely have extra. She doesn’t understand that. She looks at us as rich just because were in America.  

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@spinks15 in her culture yes the kids take over the parents responsibility’s but the parents watch the grandkids. My mom takes my daughter to school 2 mornings a week which I pay her 20 for

Answer 8

Why is your older brother not helping?  

Comments

@spadework because he doesn’t want to , & it’s an untouchable subject with my parents because he gets like severe depression and there worried what may happen if he’s not completely content. ( as in they pay his phone and car and insurance well my dad does )

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@marieann I haven’t had an issue with depression since I had my daughter & they figure I can handle it better than he can. For some reason I’m Hispanic households the son is forever a baby

Answer 9

A tax refund is your over payment of taxes on money you earned. So in other words you worked for that money. It's not extra money? Mom has her own money so I'd be telling her no. She also can make payment arrangements with the IRS.  

Answer 10

Just playing devils advocate since there seems to be a general consensus as to what you should do. But it sounds like you borrowed $3k from your mum's credit card to buy yourself tickets to something and another $1k from your stepdad's cc. So. they both helped you out when you wanted something and now she's asking you for help back, but you're reluctant to help?  

Comments

@sierra61733 I’m fine with helping I’ve always helped pay her back taxes, but she wants it like by Friday and she hasn’t filed anything. But I will have that full amount by end of March when I’m paid. That’s kinda of my issue of her not willing to wait till the end of March. I had to borrow the 3k because her very pricey but lovely she-shed is on my credit card cuz we did a balance transfer . Otherwise I would of used my own card.  

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@hampton9 I hear you, sounds like a lot of lending/borrowing back & forth. It's always hard to give anyone advice based on the snippets shared here, so i just figured I'd play devil's advocate. I also think most people already know what they want to do, they just want to be told it's okay to do it. And plenty of people in this thread have already done that! I'm sure it will all work out ☺️

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@sierra61733 I’m ok with lending the money and her not paying it back but I guess I want validation that it’s ok telling her to wait to mid/end of March

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If you have to borrow it to lend it to her, your not doing anyone any good and if she does actually owe any back taxes, then they aren't due until April 15 no matter when you file. It's your money, so you do what you're comfortable with no matter anyone's opinion.  

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@hampton9 She should adjust her withholdings so she doesn't owe every year. If she owes every year that means she has more income throughout the year. Your basically giving her part of your earned income/salary. No disrespect but it's enabling her to mismanage her finances. If she has savings that means she is kind of taking advantage. Maybe not intentionally, but she is getting the majority of her salary plus part of yours. I'd go to an accountant or tax advisor to see what she should be actually withhold from her pay check. If she is self-employed she is required to pay quarterly estimated tax.  

Answer 11

Pay your debts your parents debts are theirs to pay and are not your responsibility. just my 2 cents

Answer 12

Your mom’s taxes. Your mom’s responsibility. Period.  

Answer 13

Your mother’s money issues are hers not yours. She has savings she can use that. Maybe you can teach her about sinking funds and she can create a sinking fund for next years taxes

Answer 14

Why is it your job to pay your moms taxes? No. Just no. That isn’t extra money. That’s money you earned! Put that towards YOUR OWN debt. Your mom is a real piece of work! She is being pretty unreasonable and selfish!  

Answer 15

Hi. I’m a travel clerk. Get your flight tickets now! Like, right away! Deal with mom later. Oh, and btw. start charging brother rent or have him keep house. One or the other. No one rides for free!  

Answer 16

Do what you were going to do with your money? You have already paid back the money that you put on you mom and stepdads cards and you pay the bulk of the bills at home. If your mom owes back taxes and does not want to take out of her savings she can always set up a payment plan and if you choose to help with that payment it is your choice. Book your flight and hotel and enjoy yourself.  

Answer 17

I would just say, “I’m sorry but I already have plans for that money. If you need help when the time comes and I am able then I will, but that money is accounted for. ”

Answer 18

You paid your debt back to your stepdad and mom from their CCs. You are not responsible for her taxes, she has savings and if need be she can set up a payment plan through the IRS. Your taxes are money you worked for, not hers. I would get your plane tickets and hotel if I were in your position.  

Answer 19

YOUR refund isn't money for her to determine what's to be done with it. You're an adult, she needs to figure it out on her own.  

Answer 20

I worry about my own financial issues. Not to be an ass hole but shes an adult and she has a savings, why drain you?!?  

Answer 21

You're being taken advantage of. :( My husband's family does that, thinks we are a personal bank. Just say no.  

Answer 22

From experience on booking air fares . Don't wait! One time an airline ticket was at an awesome low price, but didn't have the money until the following week. Guess what? We lost out . Had to pay full price. Find incredible good deals n buy now! Like one said deal with your mom later. Bc she in reality should be saving for her taxes if she knows in the end will have to pay back. You work hard for your money. I'm all for helping family out when in need but they must be able to help themselves out . With your mom. Whatever you decide to do . Just remember. You are on a journey of budgeting and finacial freedom . Letting someone tell you what to do with your money instead of you telling your money where it needs to go and how it needs to go, is like taking one step forward and two steps back. Good luck n have fun!  

Answer 23

If you loan on money, do it with the mind set that you will never see that money again because to be honest you won’t. Family or not. Borrowing money from family never ends well because you can’t really do much if they don’t pay you back. Use your refund in whatever way you want!  

Answer 24

I would ask your mom why she always owes money? She could change her status easily through a W4 and not have to always owe.  

Comments

@adelaidaadelaide513 shes self employed

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Ah ok. Maybe mention to her to have a CPA look over her quarterly taxes? I do not think you should have to pay for your mom's business taxes personally. Also, the IRS gives the option to get on a payment plan so I would go ahead and book your trip

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@hampton9 your mom should start putting aside 25% of her income to pay taxes. She told you your tax refund shouldn't be used so you don't live beyond your means but as it is she's living beyond hers. I get that this is a difficult situation but do what's best for you right now and considering she hasn't even filed yet she doesn't know how much she'll owe, so buy those tickets and wait until she knows for sure what money she needs.  

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She does put 20% of every payment aside she just doesn’t want to pull it from the savings account because she may need that money later on

Answer 25

I wouldn’t give her anything. If she owes back taxes that Is her problem. Not yours.  

Answer 26

Erm. I think it's her damn responsibility to pay her own taxes. Tell her no and to figure it the hell out like an ACTUAL ADULT. if she always owes she needs to save for that HERSELF. Your return is not for her to spend. It's because you paid in too much. If she's self employed and not paying quarterly that's her own perogative and she has to deal with the consequences. I wouldn't tell her I had ANY money available becauce I'm busy paying all the utilities and household bills and why doesn't she ask her deadbeat son for the money.  

Answer 27

No way. Your mom needs to handle her back taxes. That’s not your responsibility.  

Answer 28

You're on this journey to be debt free or financial secure. Part of that is to stop taking on financial responsibility for others. I know it's your mom, I had to stop giving my mom money too and buying her things because I was never going to get where I want to be financially if I'm paying her bills and expenses over my own.  

Answer 29

Honestly I dont understand. Why would you give her money for her taxes or pay all of that and your brother pay zero? Is the concert out of country? I would possibly skip due to coronavirus if it is.  

Comments

@rimester no it’s in the states Dallas Orlando Atlanta New York dc & Chicago . It’s not till May /June

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@hampton9 well that's good at least!  

Answer 30

I'm confused. Are you paying your parents debt? 1k in CC for stepdad 3k in CC for your mom for concert tickets. Also not judging, but it sounds like youre maybe getting taken advantage of. Idk how your bills work but if I were you I'd split them according. Your paying for kitchen remodel but its your mom's house? What if you are paying 80% and she is only paying 20%.  

Comments

@vocational house is 50 in my name 5 in my daughters and 45 in my mother’s

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@hampton9 but 4 people live there? (You & daughter. Mom & stepdad) So the bills should be 50/50. I personally would have her handle her back taxes. We used up tons of our savings this month & had too. That's what it's for.  

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@vocational it’s 5 people me my daughter , mom stepdad and older brother.  

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@hampton9 you shouldn’t be paying that much love, and your brother needs to contribute, why do you get to pay for everyone’s crap and he doesn’t even have to pay anything? And why do you have to pay your stepdads debt? I’m so confused. You worked hard throughout the year, your refund is your money back to you. Spend it how you want to not how they think you should. If you want to PM( I know you don’t know me ) we could talk it over in detail if you’d like for an outside opinion.  

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@vocational agree with you. @hampton9 your household is 5 people. It doesn’t matter who owns the house when it comes to house bills. They should be split 5 ways. Water etc. Food if someone eats double portions the contribute double and those shot eat less contribute less. As for home upgrades you split based on home ownership percents. 50 you. 5 your daughter and 45 your mom. So people not owning the house need to pay RENT. House payment split based on ownership percent. Or determine rent for all This should be amount to cover mortgage + extra for wear and tear and the extra should be put in savings to cover repairs to appliances plumbing etc. Divide 4. 5 assuming daughter is young. So if rental value is 1500 then the 4 adults would pay 333. 00 per month rent. So choose. You pay monthly 50 +5 daughter if young and mom pays 45. The mean each pay rent + a 1/5 of all utilities that will go to house account to pay utilities and repairs

Answer 31

This all sounds ridiculous. Don’t give your mom money. She has it in savings so she pays for it. Also you need to sit your family down and renegotiate everything. That Needs to be split evenly cause your getting the short straw there hunny. Put a stop to it now or it never will. Honestly if move out if I were you.  

Answer 32

Your mom should be handling her own financial situation. You have a journey of your own you need to be putting every penny you can toward.  

Answer 33

She doesnt want to dip in HER savings but she will dip into yours? Nah, she should have planned better. You do you.  

Answer 34

A parent should never ask a child for money. Period. Sorry you’re having to go through this. Please don’t think this is acceptable or common because it absolutely isn’t.  

Answer 35

Tell yo mamma pay her own damn taxes. That’s not fair at all.  

Answer 36

I’m very confused. is she asking for that money because you owe them money from using their credit cards? Why’s she asking money from you? It’s incredibly inappropriate no matter what the situation unless you owe them money.  

Answer 37

Omgosh, she’d rather use your money than hers? Please tell her no. You worked hard for your money. That refund is yours, not hers. She has savings and should use her own money for her bills. Just my opinion but having trouble understanding why she would want your money when she has savings. Sounds like she needs a budget.  

Answer 38

Go ahead and but your tickets ASAP before price gets outrageous. She can’t borrow what you don’t have. Sorry mom but the ticket deal was too good to not jump on. I’m old and would never treat my daughter like this. You’re being suckered and controlled.  

Answer 39

Girl, no. You are not a meal ticket for your family. 1. Mom uses her own money to pay her own taxes. 2. Brother starts paying some bills. 3. Family pays for their own cruise. If it’s too expensive, they don’t get to go. Period. 4. Your responsibility is for you and your daughter. You’re not obligated to financially pay for anyone else. 5. Set some boundaries for yourself. Start saying no.  

Answer 40

Your mom bought concert tickets. Sorry if she bought them she pays for them same goes for her taxes. She should be paying back taxes. That should be paid quarterly. Not your responsibility to pay for their CC including Step dad. Your refund your money. Stand up for your self do what you need to. Brother taking advantage he pays his way or kicked out. Rent utilities food

Comments

@lapham Huertas no the tickets are mine same as the cc debt. I had a card that had 0 interest for 24 months on balance transfer so we transferred from her card to mine but when the tickets came on sale I no longer had the room on my card because the balance transfer was on it so I put it on hers and paid it before it accured interest.  

Answer 41

This makes absolutely no sense to me

Comments

@uppercut Doherty I got my refund and my mom wants me to pay her back taxes from my refund so she doesn’t have to pull from her savings. But I already had plans with my refund. & I don’t want to dip into my savings to cover my plans when I have the refund there.  

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@hampton9 she should use her savings. Savings is there for these types of scenarios. The refund is not her money it’s yours.