Question

I am going to get vulnerable for a minute. I am starting the third month of just trying to do a budget and see where we are wasting money. It was eye opening, scary, depressing, and shocking. I laid it all out like an open wound. I have tried to share with my husband, well because that is what normal married people should do, right? He just gets annoyed and asks me why I am trying to upset him. I do not think it is fair that I should have to carry the burden and stress alone while he can remain oblivious. I know he is a spoiled man child and it is going to take him a bit longer to come around but. wow, it is difficult and lonely. With that being said I am going to keep plugging along and try to get this under control because I know it is what is best for our family. So glad I found this site for support. I love seeing every little success and hope that I will mark mine along the way. Thanks for listening  

Answer 1

Mine won’t talk about it either. He works hard and feels there is enough to go around. It is hard to carry the stress of making choices financially by yourself!  

Answer 2

We are all here to support and encourage you. I am single, but I have noticed many SO/husbands/boyfriends come around when they see progress. In the meantime, keep at it.  

Answer 3

Month 3 here too. I told my husband he couldn’t keep burying his head in the sand. The come to Jesus moment hasn’t happened yet. I’m still trying to get in a routine with budgeting. You’re not alone!  

Comments

@ecclesiastic213 my come to Jesus moment for hubby was knowing our sons teeth are going to cost 4100! And our daughter will need braces soon.  

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@spermophyte We’re going to have 2 in college next year.  

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@ecclesiastic213 ouch!  

Answer 4

I started it on my own but my husband is coming around.  

Answer 5

Hopefully he comes around especially after seeing the progress you’ll make! So keep chugging! ✨

Answer 6

Does your hubby just not want to hear about it? Is he fine with what money you give him until the next paycheck? You will get all the support you need here! Stay strong

Answer 7

You are so not alone! This was me Saturday afternoon. I sat and did it all until I called hubby over. Laid it all out and said we got into this mess together, we gotta get out together. He took it the wrong way but still sat with me. we are here for you. Lean on us all for support. You can do this  

Answer 8

Men often identify more with being a good provider so it probably makes him feel a bit inadequate. Try showing him the amounts as percentages over or under what your ideal budget would be - it might soften things up somewhat for him.  

Answer 9

Fellow wife of a man child here ! Lol It took me a while to get my husband fully on board. Definitely more then 3 months and we gone through stages too. Once I got him on board we still did a lot of things separately for 3 years. About 1 year ago we finally did a cash budget together and that was the most eye opening thing we could have done together and the thing that was a struggle but also so freeing for both of us . It allowed my husband to finally feel like I wasn’t controlling him because once we divide up the cash you have freedom. So hang in there It does take time . But lead by example and have conversations it . I feel like my husband reading the money maker over book , us doing a cash budget and then him meeting other guys that follow a budget too really gave him a new perspective . You got this !  

Answer 10

I’m right there with you!  

Answer 11

Same situation! It’s a struggle.  

Answer 12

I understand you almost 100% my husband is like that spoiled since child, so he doesnt seem to get on board in a lot of things, but he is coming around more, he doesnt like to see numbers either. I have a year working with him, but now with TBM and other page, I'm being more organized and have a plan, so is easy for him to follow along. One incentive I give him is you could have your Razor (off road toy) if you do the work, but once in a while he spend so much money he loves clothes, watches, shoes and eating out so is a work in progress.  

Answer 13

I've just started tracking 5 areas we spend money thoughtlessly the first of the year. It was partly to out myself and get some clarity. We will be on a fairly fixed income sometime in the not too far future and it is vital that we figure out how to spend (or quit spending. ) I hear you!  

Answer 14

You have us so you are not alone! I think once he sees progress, he’ll become interested, maybe even excited.  

Answer 15

I don’t even know where to start

Comments

Just start. ….  

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@communicant Hi! It can be intimidating to start this journey. What I would suggest is to just take a month and write down everything you're spending your money on. Every time you swipe a card or use a nickel, write it down. At the end of that month put it all down in one place and you'll have a pretty good idea of where your money is going and where you would like it to go. If you need more help, we're all here for you! ❤️

Answer 16

Same here. after 6 months he says, seems like what your doing is working great, keep at it. ‍♀️‍♀️‍♀️

Answer 17

Married/divorced twice. Both were men children. Wanted to spend, but didn’t care if there was enough to cover the necessities. One worked tons of overtime and never home but I only saw it when he wanted to take a vacation. I’m single now and love Being responsible for my own. Although sometimes wish you had a sounding board. Is just tell him it’s both your bills and responsibilities and need to have a family meeting about it.  

Answer 18

He’ll come around, sometimes I think people need to see the results in order to get on board. Don’t get discourage, keep doing your thing!  

Answer 19

I did it alone for 3 years. Progress was slow and painful, but progress. Only yesterday did my husband finish TTMM, that has been laying on his night stand for 3 years. I’m so pumped he will at least acknowledge the effort I’ve been making. Keep plugging, hopefully he’ll want to be a bigger part of your small successes, and make them bigger successes.  

Answer 20

You're not alone! My husband isn't onboard. I'm hoping that by seeing the positive changes he'll become interested. It's hard to go it alone so this group has been a blessing! ❤

Answer 21

Feel like I am not in the right group . The word budget always comes with baggage. Think of it as a plan. What do you want your money to do for you? If you don’t have a plan, you will not be able to reach your goals. It doesn’t matter if your goal is to pay off some CC debt, scrape together $100 for a bill, by a boat or retire early. Everyone has goals. A budget/plan will help you achieve those goals.  

Answer 22

My husband was annoyed until I showed him all the fun things he could have the ability to afford much sooner just by putting them in sinking funds!  

Answer 23

My husband was like that. I was fed up and putting everything in writing and put it on the wall, along with our debt payoff calendar. He didn’t want to hear it from me but I know he looked at it because it started spending less. Some men are more visual learners.  

Comments

@mentor I think I need to try this with my husband. Sometimes he is onboard and other times he acts like a child. grrr

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@mentor I agree about the visual learners thing.  

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@lipetsk57431 Holloway Butler my husband is definitely a man child! He’s always wanting to get the latest this and that. but then when he realized he was spending more than what we pay for our kids therapy. that put things in a whole new perspective! $600/month on eating out. now cut down to $200. It took a long time but he’s FINALLY on board. most of the time lol

Answer 24

Keep it up Sis. He will thank you later

Answer 25

Pretty much here too

Answer 26

It takes a few months of budgeting to really see where you have been and where you’re going

Answer 27

I think everyone at some point goes through this in their debt free journey with their significant other. Do not give up the good fight! Keep pushing forward and I honestly think you should show your husband the number regards if he likes it or not! And No, you are not alone. you got us!  

Answer 28

You are not alone

Answer 29

Nope, not alone at all! Took forever to get mine onboard. My husband finally realized this morning that I had saved over $1000 in 2 months, paid off two credit cards and I’m on a strict budget to be debt free in 12 months! He actually told me this morning that he was so proud of me for keeping us all in budget.  I’m not where I want to be yet but I’m certainly on my way!  We can do this together!  

Answer 30

Best of luck to you. Praying that it all works out well for you.  

Answer 31

You can do it. Do your bit and you’ll see the results and when there is a noticeable difference in the household your husband will see the positive impact of your hard work. There is quite a bit of reference to partners not being on board and advice giving on that so maybe read through some strategies for helping you with the isolation of your budgeting life. Again lean on this group when you’re feeling low and also we await to see your goals achieved.  

Answer 32

(you're not responsible for his reaction. remind him of that in a firm and yet kind way. Say it as many times as you can to deescalate the situation. and tell him that you have a vision of a bright and financially successful future and thats why you bring it up. ) Good Luck in your journey, and keep going!  

Answer 33

What I have found with my husband is if I show my excitement he is happy for me enjoy it and take care of it. If I go to him when I am worried about money, he starts to feel like I’m blaming him even though I’m not. I know they aren’t perfect but we aren’t either and as wives we should be careful with our tone. BEST ADVICE: Approach him with a game plan. He might feel like you are just expecting him to fix it all (because men are fixers). It’s in their nature but if it’s something that stresses them or they don’t like it, then they will stress if they feel like their wife is wanting them to fix it. Keep on going! You’ve got it but remember marriage makes finance teamwork so eventually you do need to be on the same page.  

Answer 34

I completely understand. My husband hates to talk about our finances. It starts an argument EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. He ran around for years not caring about our finances and being okay with it being a your money my money situation. As long as the bills were paid he was happy. But he’s finally seeing the need to be included in the finances or at least being aware of the bills but he hasn’t fully dived in yet. I’m hoping soon we will both be on the same financial page. (I’m working on myself on this page too. I’m the spender in the family ‍♀️)

Answer 35

Completely understand! I’m married to a giant man child who wants to be able to swipe his credit card anytime he likes. I JUST paid off all of our credit card debt with our tax money and what did he do? Swiped his “emergency card” for gas and ammo. When we had money for all of that. ‍♀️ So now I have to paid his stupid card off, again! And he also does not like to hear about our debt. He prefers to live like an ostrich with his head buried in sand while I stress over everything. I don’t know why, it’s his debt too.  

Answer 36

Hang in there! We are going on our first all cash vacation and my husband acts like it is no big deal! Seriously? The sacrifices made to do this. so I get it  

Answer 37

Well, I guess the good thing about marriage is where one is weak the other is strong. Your husband may not be able to handle this burden yet. but thankfully you can! I know it must seem hard. but you're the strong one. You have the knowledge of where your money is going. And there will be a time when you'll show your husband just how far yall have come in your budgeting journey that he will jump on board. Keep doing what you're doing!  

Comments

@melissiamelita94 I still don't know what I am doing but will figure it out.  

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@lipetsk57431 you will. I dont know what I am doing either. Lol just starting my 3rd month as well. But I feel so much better just knowing where my money is going

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@melissiamelita94 I feel shame but I know that is what will make it better. Thanks.  

Answer 38

I totally understand. I am also the wife of a man child. This month I got him to cut back a little on his frivolous spending but he complained he couldnt buy any toys. I handle all the money so i have to just do as best i can.  

Comments

@whaley mine loves cars and motorcycles and thinks because he works he should have them all, and does

Answer 39

I soooooo know what you are going through! You have described my marriage! I keep plugging along as best as I can. You got this! Don’t give up or give in. Someone has to watch the budget! Stay strong gf! You are not alone! ❤️

Answer 40

You are certainly not alone! My husband doesn't want to face the truth either! The worst part is that we went the DR FPU! But hang in there, stay focused and know we are here for you.  

Answer 41

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Even though I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way. I have the EXACT same problem! My husband is a man child as well and resists me 100%! It gets so frustrating and lonely. I have slowly worked on him. he eats store brand stuff now but still refuses Aldi stuff.  don’t give up.  

Answer 42

I feel ya friend! My husband always says why are you blaming me, dude. I’m not, I’m trying to have an adult conversation!  

Answer 43

The best thing I did - made him get his own account - all his stuff goes thru there and he gets paid 1x month so when he gets ‘stupid’ w his funds and runs out - he’s out - cause mama tak’n care of her business  

Answer 44

Mine came around. It just took some time. I ask every week if he wants to help. I also offer to show it to him. He takes me up on it now. He even backs me up when the kids want something and I tell them it’s not in the budget! Thankfully, my hubby has matured with age. He is even selling his motorcycle that has been collecting dust.  What has always worked best for us is to set goals together- it usually motivates us (him) to take action to achieve them- whether it be a home improvement project, vacation, etc.