Question

Had a question.  I handle all the bills.Had a question. I handle all the bills. Hubs and I both have ft jobs. Now he has a $115 weekly allowance for gas and food at work and I have only like $60 but right now with this pandemic have only been getting $25. I work from home but do drive my oldest back and forth to his job. Now my question is, I budget for all of their bdays and vday and Father's day. My husband likes to get me things for mothers day, bday and vday. But he never has money leftover from his weekly allowance. He blows his money quickly (he just buys random stuff like snacks and spends like $40/week on flavored water and coffee). So he always used to just use credit card to buy me things. Which if you put it that way he really isnt buying me anything that I'm not having to pay for. So I feel weird saying okay here's a sinking fund for you to buy me a gift. I personally could care less if I got a gift although I appreciate it. I'd rather have things for my home. But I know that is something he enjoys doing. Is that weird of me to have a sinking fund for myself? What would be an appropriate amount? I budget between $150-$200 on them but that includes dinner (which we do for everyone in the household). BUT let me add. We are $190k in debt and I haven't even begun to add up medical bills (which I know is a lot because I have been pretty ill past several years). Suggestions? I'm thinking about possibly cutting their budgets down as well. Sorry for the long post.  

Answer 1

Does he understand the budget? I would explain sinking funds to him and give him the envelope and explain to him how to do it. This way it’s him that is saving the money and he can learn to better budget his allowance. You could always bring it up as if you’re showing him an example for how to do it for your own mothers.  

Comments

@diapedesis6 I love this. Sometimes he makes side money. And I can just have him save that going forward. I always try to explain this to him. Hes really bad with $$$.  

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@relapse92 girl I get it. If mine gets money (bonus, gifts, selling something), he always finds SOMETHING to spend it on ‍♀️.  

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@diapedesis6 yep he's the same. he gets a little side money and he's like what do you want for dinner? As in eating out.  

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@relapse92 mine got a large bonus at work, a reenlistment bonus, and an inheritance all within a short amount of time. It was more than I make in a year and would have paid off almost all his debt. instead it was spent on a motorcycle, multiple guns, car/bike parts, and a camping/hunting trip with his friend on the other side of the country. this is why I’m glad we have separate finances.  

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@diapedesis6 wow! Smart move.  

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@relapse92 he’s the spender and I’m the saver. we have the agreement that as long as our respective bills are paid, we don’t get to say what the other does with their money. He covers phones and insurances. I cover utilities and internet/cable. We switch off on grocery shopping. I don’t get on him for spending. He doesn’t get onto me for being cheap (finding the best deals for necessities/saving). I know others disagree with how we do things but it’s what works for us and keeps us both happy

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@diapedesis6 whatever works. The biggest thing that couples fight over is money and sometimes cause for divorce. So if that works for you guys then keep it up! I'm sure we will get there. I have a tendency to say something about what he does with his money and I HAVE got to get better about that.  

Answer 2

I would set maybe a modest budget for a gift and let him show you his love <3 Plus your dinner tradition. Maybe $20? But only you and him know what he usually buys, what you want, and what you are comfortable budgeting.  

Comments

@politic90 I literally would be happy with a pack of gel pens and a card. I feel if I want something I could get it myself (on a budget of course). He normally get a huge bonus and would spend $500- 1000 on me before. I had to stop him from doing that because I didnt feel comfortable and because I never would spend that kind of money on him!  

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I love that he loves to pick out gifts for you. I wonder, in his family of orgin do they do pricey gifts for Christmas and birthdays? My mom LOVES to give gifts, it is very special to her to mark an occasion and pick something out personally. But we were broke so SMALL things. My husband's family was broke too but the norm was expensive gifts. So we've had to change traditions to meet our budget but still honor the gift giving traditions for our families. Now MY husband, he has FANTASTIC QUALITIES but gift giving is not one of them, lol. So I pick out something small for Christmas to open for me/ "from him" and for Mother's Day we pick out yard flowers together and birthdays either I get something I'd like for myself and we talk about that's my present, or we go out to eat or on a date and that's the gift. I like to make it easy on him bc then there's no resentment on either side. I don't agree with completely cutting out gifts during debt repayment but I do believe in cutting the budget wayyyyy dow <3

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@politic90 to be honest he grew up poor. He says he just likes to see my face when I open my gifts. He does an amazing job on picking things out. I've been fortunate there. I've heard some horror stories lol. But he is a very chill, live in the now, instant gratification kind of person. No planning for tomorrow.  

Answer 3

Buy his snacks in advance at Sam's, Costco or walmart

Answer 4

We treat mother's day as a bill . 100 bucks . That's for me, my mom and his mom. Everyone gets a card and a plant . Works for us !  

Answer 5

Maybe something as simple as referring to it as an allowance is part of the problem? To me, if I heard allowance (prior to this group ) it translates to "recurring free money you can blow on anything you want and still have money for the essentials" instead of a budget for the essentials. Everyone is different tho

Comments

@empower4279 good point!  

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@relapse92 what @empower4279 said is what I was thinking too. When I was married, I didn’t budget my allowance for gifts for things like that. My allowance was my allowance to spend how I wanted on whatever I wanted to blow it on. I put birthdays and holidays into the budget, not out of my allowance. Maybe that’s his thinking too.  

Answer 6

OT Does your son pay rent or contribute to the car expenses?  

Comments

@fredericksburg no hes only 17 and still in high school.  

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@relapse92 I wasn't sure of his age but if you're driving him to work, he should contribute something towards the cost of gas and insurance.  

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@fredericksburg true! However I do have him saving his money right now to purchase a cash car. He's got a little over $5k saved up.  

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@relapse92 Will he be paying his share of the car insurance?  

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@fredericksburg oh definitely! I will not be paying that. He will be living with us while in college as well. He will be saving as will the other kiddos towards purchasing a home. He's pretty good about saving his money.  

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@fredericksburg thank you so much for that information!  

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@relapse92