Question

The "terrible twos" are in full force with my daughter and with all else going on in the world I'm just trying to hold on to whatever shred of sanity I have left. That being said, I'm noticing a trend in her tantrums, the worst ones occur during diaper changes and clothing changes. With the clothes I tell her how nice or pretty her clothes are and sometimes let her choose an outfit (it's not like we're going anywhere ) obviously with diapers there's not many ways to make that interesting. This morning after battling with her to change her diaper she threw herself on the floor and screamed for 12 minutes. I left her in her room and went and drank some tea and tried to relax myself. She came to me on her own eventually and I tried to explain that crying is okay and feelings are okay but we need to do things like change diapers. Anyway, is there any other things I should be doing or suggestions to make these times easier for both of us? Thanks

Answer 1

Is she ready for potty training? Have you tried introducing it? It has to be something that they are ready for, but talking about it and reading books about it is a non-threatening way to start. My daughter was 2 in January and over Easter weekend decided she wanted to use the potty after weeks of battling over diaper changes.  

Comments

@discount yup  this

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@discount my son turned 2 on NYE and HATED diaper changes. I told him that we have to change his diapers until he starts going on the potty and he immediately wanted to start going on the potty. I was dreading potty training but he was super easy to train and now refuses to wear a diaper ever so he’s fully trained night and day. Maybe give it a try.  

Answer 2

Following! We are in the same boat mama. My daughter is 16 months and I swear is experiencing the terrible twos already. The only advice I have is trying to distract her from what is making her so upset. So during diaper changes my daughter is not a fan of. A change that should only take a minute takes about three or four minutes with us. I found an app on my phone she is allowed to play with during changes and only changes after she is done I take the phone and she goes back to playing  

Comments

@evslin Lynn agree with distractions! My 16m will lose it too but I keep toys that are only for diaper changes close at hand. Usually favorite stuffed animals or books, but the apps are a good idea too! I would be afraid she would drop the phone on her head  but as she gets more coordinated for sure!  

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@evslin Lynn I third this! I have a few special toys that are kept in the diaper caddy so they’re always available for changes and it typically distracts her for just enough time to get it done!  

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@evslin Lynn I recommend toys as well. My son has dropped my phone between the changing table (which is on the dresser) and the wall. ‍♀️

Answer 3

I don’t have great advice to make it stop but it’s normal and just let her feel her feelings and walk away if you need to; at least that’s what I did. I talked to the social worker at the preschool and that’s basically what she suggested. My son did this he’s have total meltdown downs about his diaper and clothes being changed always screaming to have them back. It eventually stopped he’s three now and we are on to a whole new ball game  

Answer 4

The pampers 360 made changing so much easier! It’s like a pull up but holds more urine. There’s really quick and easy to put on. I always tried giving him something in his hands to distract him. Have you tried putting a few outfits out and having her pick the one she wants to wear? Otherwise it’s basically a struggle but goes away with time and age. My son is 3. 5 now but we used to go through lots of alligator rolls during changing diapers and clothes. My 5 month old now hates getting dressed so I’m preparing for it again  

Answer 5

Little ones have big feelings that they don’t know how to navigate. With the diaper change, maybe give warnings that diaper change time is coming (10 min, 5 min, etc) so it’s not so abrupt. Try giving her choices that you’re ok with. Pick 2 outfits and let her decide which one she would like to wear. Often letting them choose from everything is overwhelming, even in its well meaning to let them choose. It gives them a sense of control when they often don’t have any control at all ❤️

Comments

This  is great advice. I’m the mom of a screamer (who’s now 9) who needed lots of advance warning and lots of opportunities to choose between 2 things. She’s still headstrong and making all her own choices. ❤️

Answer 6

I think we are all in the sams boat right with all our kids regardless of the age. Right now is so confusing and hard for them, harder than it is for us. They don't know how to communicate thier feelings and we as parents dont know how to help them. But just snuggle them a little tighter, throw out schedules for a little while and just let them embrace what's going on. I've been doing this for the last few weeks and we've had less kid meltdowns and less mommy meltdowns. You are all, NOT ALONE.  

Answer 7

Maybe she is ready to use the potty and does not know how to express it. Use potty training as something new and excited to do. So instead of doing diaper changes, let her know she is going to the potty like a big girl or something, let her take her diaper off and sit in the potty and starts there. It may work

Answer 8

I usually give my kiddos a job to do during the diaper change. Hold the cream, hold a diaper, wipe their hands with a wipe. Even a toy they see only at the diaper change. Clothes - perhaps giving her a choice of 2 outfits? Also I make up funny songs to label their body parts. Think the tune row row row your boat but label their arms or legs. Also big praise when they do any part of it themselves. Good luck . (No way I would potty train at that age, personally, but up to you )

Answer 9

Read 1-2-3 Magic, it's the best book when I had littles. Especially when they get to the trying 3's!  

Answer 10

Yes, look up Dr. Organic mommy on IG, excellent tips for tantrums as she works with kids, the key is to stay calm, ignore it and explain when she is ready and calm she can come and discuss, she also has videos which might be helpful and regarding changing diapers l would take an advantage and start potty training and with clothes would give her 2choices to choose from

Answer 11

I noticed that when my son was sleepy, hungry or tired or the combination made it worse. I know it’s hard to constantly make sure those needs are met but just keep that in mind.  

Answer 12

I’ve actually gotten different diapers with my spirited almost three year old. Luvs has diapers that come in panda or giraffe and she likes choosing which one. At night she can choose princess or unicorn pull ups. It’s helped some.  

Answer 13

24 mths and I could have written this myself!  

Answer 14

I let my son hold a cool toy while we do diaper changes. Or i do it while he is standing up, I have perfected the quick change lol. Clothes, I am more patient with. I let him get his wiggles out while he's naked and eventually he lets me dress him. Some days are more frustrating because of my stress level, and other days I'm more collected about the process. Knowing exactly how it's going to go takes some of the pressure off. like I know my kid is about to fight me with this diaper change, so I'm not going to expect anything different and I'm not going to react in a negative way.  

Comments

@kalman @corrugation I do standing up too. My son is 23 months and so different than my daughter. Had no idea a kid would cry for several minutes when getting changed or for pretty much anything he doesn’t like. I’ve learned to manage my expectations and try to control my stressing about it too. Nice to know I’m not alone although I know it’s tough and don’t wish it anyone!  

Answer 15

My daughter went through this and it brought me to tears a few times. One time I just brought her to day care without a shirt on and the teacher said, “I’ve never seen anything like this. ”  I assumed she meant specifically from my daughter. It was THE WORST and I’m so glad it’s in the past. She grew out of it and it was only that bad for maybe six weeks or two months? That’s when we got an Elf on the Shelf.  Just remember that this too shall pass!  

Answer 16

My boys are 14yr, 5yr, and 14. 5 mo. When all the other tricks to make it a voluntary, pleasant thing don't work: Change their diaper on the floor. You sit your butt on the floor too. Put them perpendicular to you and drape your leg over their chest. Your choice to leave their arms free or trap those too. It leaves their butt free to lift up but doesn't let them roll away. Sure it will make them mad, but you've got to get the job done and they'll get over it. I promise. The older two do not even remember, let alone resent LOL

Answer 17

First, then statements worked for us. First we’ll change your diaper, then we go outside & blow bubbles, or whatever activity is next. Also empathy really worked with my middle child. Things like, oh I know you would like to stay outside & play, I wish we could stay outside all day too, but we have to change your diaper. Like the more ridiculous I was with the empathy the better it worked. She’s 8 now, & it still works wonders. She just wants to feel heard. as we all do! Racing also worked for clothes. Saying, ok do you think you can beat my timer? It’s set to 20 seconds, and then count to 20. We do this with my youngest & she gets so excited to win! Also with clothes, for some reason she never wanted to get dressed in her room. They would all come down & have breakfast & then get dressed in the living room. Now they get dressed in their bedrooms, but for a few years it was downstairs. Whatever works!  

Comments

@ostracoderm Kirkpatrick I just want to add that I have also had success with racing to get dressed. Also having 2 shirts to pick from (dresses/pants etc) and playing a game of “pick me”. We would pretend the clothes were talking to our child “pick me! Pick me! ” The other one would say “no! Choose me today! You never wear me! ” I saw our wonderful nanny do this. Our child would usually laugh , mood would would change and she would be dressed.  

Answer 18

Ignore, walk away when there is a tantrum, she will soothe herself and realize that action will not be recognized. you can not negotiate with a child at that age

Answer 19

You are doing everything right, this too will pass

Answer 20

You are handling it well. I raised a very difficult child and the best thing you can do is to not let the tantrum bother you (or at least don’t let them know it bothers you). I remember one day in Kohl’s our son threw himself in the floor in full on kicking and screaming mode because we wouldn’t buy him something he wanted. The Hubs stood over him with his hands on his hips and said vet calmly “is that the best you can do? ” He stopped immediately and never did it again. If they find it doesn’t work it won’t. Stick with it. It will usually take a few times of the behaviors not working for them to stop.  

Answer 21

Do you think she’s ready for potty training? Maybe she doesn’t want diapers anymore? ‍♀️

Answer 22

I’m sorry! It’s a tough stage. There are lots of great suggestions above. If none of those seem to work, it could be a sensory sensitivity. Maybe she is realizing she doesn’t like how the diaper or the clothes feel? Try putting on really comfortable clothing without tags and see if you get the same response? How is she with jammies? If she’s ok with comfy clothes, maybe start watching all of her senses (including vestibular and proprioception) and you may figure out what is causing some of the tantrums or what brings joy