Question

Looking for help here.  Father of 3.Looking for help here. Father of 3. Sole provider for my family. My wife doesn’t work. I have, including my house, cars and credit cards; approximately $80, 000 in debts. I make roughly $70, 000 per year. We have no savings, no emergency fund. I’ve been remodeling my house since 2018. it’s been a slow process but I’m doing everything myself. which is mostly why I don’t have a savings. I’d love to be able to save but I’m not even sure where to start. I’ve tried to follow some of Dave Ramsey’s programs, but I feel that I lack the support in my house to really be able to commit. Anyone else every deal with an unsupportive/misguided partner?  

Answer 1

I'm not sure how old your kids are but can she maybe work part time or a few hours a week? Took my husband over 2 years to get on board.  

Comments

With the newborn i don't think it's possible. hope things get better when there's more sleep involved!  

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Not sure if it can help but I’m a stay at home mom and our numbers are similar only debt is our house. I’ve found a ton of ways to save $ at home by being home we actually save more now then when I worked. If I can be of any help for ideas let me know. I have an 18 month old and we are hoping for a big family.  

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@trombone totally agree with this! We save $$ with me staying home. I have time to pay attention and shop for deals and plan. Makes a huge difference! In the last 2 months we’ve paid off 2 credit cards. woo hoo! More in savings than we’ve had in I don’t know how long. And I’m actually budgeting! Before i it’s spent. I was also working 80-100 hours/week and didn’t have any brain power or energy left to tackle money. Now I do!  Happy to help you, too, @freemasonry! You can do it!  

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@freemasonry here’s some of what we do. I cloth diapered $150 total newborn to potty train and our water usage did not go up from washing. I nursed, made our baby food from scratch and put in reusable containers for when we’re out. We stopped buying tissues and paper towel (for the most part (bacon grease etc I still use paper towel for). I bought 50 microfiber cleaning cloths on amazon for cheap and we use them to dry hands wipe up spills, messy faces after dinner and cleaning. I bought 100 cotton handkerchiefs on amazon for cheap and we use those for tissues. To be honest we didn’t go through a ton before til my little guy turned one and thinks he needs to blow his nose (empty our tissue box every time he walks in the bathroom). I buy all our clothes either major sale or thrift at least mine and the baby, and I hit up thrift sales. So each item is between 25 cents and $1 a piece and we are well dressed lol my son wears a lot of old navy, nautica, gap, Zara etc. I’m also well dressed No one would guess my fall/winter budget for all of us. I use all the apps I can for grocery receipts then use those to cash in for gift cards for Christmas or date nights for hubby and I. We don’t eat out unless it’s planned/saved for which is usually just date nights. I buy our food in bulk at sam’s club (meat, rice, flour) and Aldi for frozen veggies/fruit yogurt and other items. I buy fruit and veggies fresh in season in bulk and freeze or can for winter it saves us a TON. We also shop a local produce depot that we can buy really inexpensive produce that is getting close to overripe so we buy up and freeze right away. I do surveys online for a lil extra cash here and there which I’ve used for household things we need at times. I just bought a reusable furnace filter we can wash free with points and now we don’t have the replacement fee of that anymore either. We don’t buy processed foods, so I bake all our bread, bagels, waffles, muffins etc. I’m sure there’s more lol but that’s a start let me know if you have any questions. We eat very well lol corn beef and cabbage tonight we have ribs or a whole chicken with veggies at least once a month with fresh bread, beer bread (hubby’s fav) etc . When We decided I was going to stay home I kinda made it my mission to find as many creative ways to save as I can. not bc we HAVE to in order to survive but bc I want us spending our money on things that really matter to us. Personally for me spending money on diapers or wipes, paper towels etc that I’ll be literally throwing out didn’t make sense to me anymore. Or spending on fast foods we don’t LOVE. I’d rather save and hubby and I got to go on a nice $80-100 Valentine’s Day date with food that we can’t replicate at home and was delicious! So we choose to use our money more on things having to do with family time, vacations, fixing up the house or clothing/shoes that are higher quality that we really want that looks amazing and is quality and will last so a few pricier items mixed w the cheap thrift items that are still good quality really help even if out.  

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@freemasonry do you know why she doesn’t want to be on board? Hubby is on board totally but some of our changes he was like what? At first  I’d suggest maybe sitting down and really communicating and coming up with a plan. If she looks at the budget as strictly she’s losing out or can’t do fun things she enjoys it’ll probably always be an uphill fight. But if you can pinpoint why she is struggling with it or doesn’t want to, and then address those concerns and explain it’s not about having less fun or less nice things. It’s honestly about having MORE $ and MORE things you actually love not tolerate or just are ok. It’s about getting to splurge on something you really want that’s better quality than you normally buy bc you waited and saved up for it and cut back in other ways. If you guys can write out a list of fun things you’d love to get to that may help. A nice vacay, a new purse or nicer diaper bag or dress your wife would love but normally wouldn’t buy.  

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We also have our own spending money for fun things quarterly. We get to choose how it’s spent no questions asked but once it’s gone it’s gone til the next time we refill our envelopes. So I could do Starbucks everyday for a couple months or I can buy new clothes, hair dye, makeup, etc for a season. Or if Say hubby doesn’t need clothes this season he’d probably save it till next time so he can get a new gun. It gives you the opportunity to still spend on what you want lol I just bought enough nail strips on ulta to have a manicure for the next 3 months for less than one manicure. So for me it’s a win neither of us feel deprived that way.  

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@freemasonry, honestly sounds like she is depressed. Really difficult to get yourself to do anything when you're depressed. I had postpartum depression really bad but didn't know it with our first until he was 9 months old. With our second I actually ended up being suicidal (my thyroid stopped working and apparently can make you suicidal) Mine are 7 and 6 now and j still have bouts of it from time to time even being on medication.  

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@freemasonry do you think she’d maybe be inspired by Miko? Her instagram videos are fabulous.  

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I’m way more receptive to radical new ways of life if it isn’t coming from my husband  

Answer 2

Do you have a budget? If not, that’s the place to start. Figure out the last year of expenses and then create a budget. Have your wife help. Take a breath and you can do this! Good for you for even asking for help! Most men won’t even touch the budget! And as far as unsupportive, it will take time. The budget is the best place to figure out where your money is going. She may not even realize the outflow and has no ideas how she can help.  

Comments

@freemasonry lol. Well, that’s good. The next question is how well do you and her stick to it? Do you find it hard to stick to the budget? How is she not supportive? I have a husband who won’t even talk money so I am on my own and it’s hard to stick to the budget even if I create it so I feel your pain of trying to do it on my own. Don’t give up though!  

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@freemasonry so sorry! Is she a spender?  

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@freemasonry sounds like part of it is insecurity about not bringing in any income, possibly? Maybe reassurance that it is “our” money/finances and that’s why you want her help to plan and create a budget/goals together. Also budgeting some Misc money for each of you to spend on whatever each month, so she doesn’t think a budget means complete restriction

Answer 3

I’d recommend signing up for the free email course. Follow the steps to set up a budget & share it with your partner. It might take some time for them to get onboard with the plan. Can your renovations be put on hold for a bit so that you can have a chance to build some savings?  
https://www.thebudgetmom.com/

Comments

@lynea Miko is amazing!  

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@astoria she really is! I’m only a few months into following her budget by paycheck method but it’s working. I’m paying down debt, saving, still doing fun things & changing my mindset. We’ve had some setbacks but we’re keeping at it.  

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@lynea me too! With the help of my tax refund I should be free of the last bit of my car ($1300) and a big chunk of the credit card. I had setbacks too. I skipped taking cash out last week and totally screwed up the envelopes and savings challenge because there wasn't the cash to put toward either. It was stressful but I'm honestly glad it happened because it really showed me the importance of taking the cash out of the bank.  

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I agree, we are doing both Financial Peace University and Miko's paycheck budgeting. It's amazing. Maybe dig a little deeper to find out why she feels it's your money and doesn't want to be a part of budgeting. Is she just a free spirit who thinks budgets are restrictive or does she feel guilty for not working? Maybe she's just overwhelmed?  

Answer 4

The best thing my husband and I did was take the Financial Peace University class at our church. We learned and worked together on our budget.  

Answer 5

I think Seth Miller and you are the only dudes in this group! So proud of you for taking the reigns to try to better your family.  

Comments

@freemasonry you got this! These people will help!  

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I literally record every purchase in my notes on my phone each month. It makes me more mindful of my spending. I’m motivated to try to keep that number low!  

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*this does not include automatic payments and monthly bills.  

Answer 6

Not anymore. Lol Terrible joke I know. We had several issues but money was a biggie. I wanted sinking funds. He thought they were "stupid". It's been a tight 3 years but finally, with the help of my tax refund, I have 1 month before I am consumer debt free - vehicle and credit card. His cards are maxed and he's on his 2nd new car in 3 years. I wish you luck.  

Answer 7

I would lay everything out in black and white for your wife and have a little come to Jesus talk with her. We were always just living paycheck to paycheck and just paying our bills monthly and when we decided to sit down and write out all of our debts and monthly expenses v. Our income it was a huge punch to the gut.  

Answer 8

-peeks at where you live- Ok so $70k should be more than enough, from what I understand about your state. $80k of debt is not too bad either (especially in terms of ratio) I would start off with a budget like someone else suggested, but maybe talk less about numbers and more about. like. who goes grocery shopping? What kind of foods does your family eat most often? How often do new clothes come into the house? What does retirement look like to you both? What does gifting look like for special occasions? What are some personal goals? Funeral costs, hospice, travel, school fees, university. etc With that kind of information you can then start talking the actual money breakdown part. Get down ALL the expenses on paper (mortgage, taxes, debt payments, insurances, grocery, etc. ) Break them down by month, year, and week. What does it add up to next to your income? What are things that can be removed in terms of bills? Can the groceries be done more frugally with similar meal results? How fast do you both want to pay the debt off? When do you want to retire? From there you can reverse engineer a plan.  

Comments

Also on top of TBM you might want to watch Frugal Fitness just because your wife might find it easier to understand that the money belongs to both of you and you both need to make decisions, and it might help with ideas for how to handle side jobs when the newborn is older, etc.  
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd...aCADg

Answer 9

Similar situation with amount of debt when I started 12/18. First thing I did was go over three months of bank statements to get average expenditures on groceries, bills, debt, and non-essential spending (Target, eating out, etc. ). I figured out what percentage of our income went to these categories and sat down with my husband to show him as well. Then I put us on allowances for groceries and personal cash. I used the debt calculator and printed out the amortization chart to have a hard copy to motivate me to keep at it (knowing we could be debt free in December of ‘21 sounded amazing to me). Showed my husband this as well. Talked about our “why” so we would stick to the plan. I just redivided everything this month and found that I had paid $25K in debt last year. We have EF, vacation, and sinking funds, too. Trust the process. I figure I pay slightly over $3K/mo in debt repayment and save $1500. I know the debt could be paid off sooner if I put everything to it like some do, but I’m more comfortable this way and haven’t had to use a credit card since I started. Best of luck to you.  

Comments

@capitulum Which debt calculator did you use, out of curiosity?  

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@capitulum Thank you!  

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I do the avalanche method. My current snowball is $942 and when I started it was $0 until I paid off my first debt. It does work.  

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Jennifer, of course!  

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@capitulum I believe it! I have low interest on everything so it's difficult to decide what should go where when I can't see it myself. Haha

Answer 10

I want to congratulate you for reaching out for support!  My husband cringes when I force him to talk money. However, I like a lot of the suggestions given to you already by other movement. The only other suggestion I have is to maybe have that heart to heart conversation with your wife about your financial goals. Maybe she feels that because she doesn’t contribute financially that she doesn’t have a voice in the matter. Have that conversation and then sit down and make her in charge of the budget. Maybe she can find ways to help you save on various projects or even little things like groceries.  

Answer 11

My husband is the worst. He’ll claim to agree with what I want to do and then do the complete opposite. It is annoying as heck!  

Comments

@leech9 yessss my husband does that too. We’ll talk budget, money, etc and I will ask his input. He will basically refuse to give any and ask me to do our budget. So I will and then explain it to him and he’ll say “ok sounds good” then proceed to do whatever the f! $k he wants. It’s beyond frustrating  

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Erin, that is exactly what I go through! I’m focusing on the one joint debt we have, then debts just in my name and doing the best I can.  

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@reverence I'd be tempted to be somewhat nasty. sorry, but he's wasting your time, efforts, and the money.  

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@airsick yes he is, and I have been.  

Answer 12

It’s refreshing to see a man in charge of the finances!  

Comments

@mythical24 amen!  

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@freemasonry I get it! I read a lot of women in charge of finances (like myself) and hubby isn’t on board so it’s nice to hear from you! It’s tough to juggle everything. I do the budget, kids homeschool, housework, dinner etc and hubby works graveyards and helps when he can on some stuff but not the finances. Kudos to you

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@freemasonry Oohh that is sad to hear. I have already graduated 2 and my last four are in 5th (x2) 3rd and 1st. Once you get settled with it then it runs smoothly.  

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@freemasonry Social worker here  Is it at all possible that your wife might be dealing with some depression? Either long term low grade stuff or even some post partum depression? A few things you said made my social worker radar pop up. A lot of times motivation issues are really chemical imbalance issues (sometimes left untreated a long time so that they become habits of sorts) - and sometimes some minor medication can help. It's not a miracle, but it can sometimes help a person develop a little more desire to make some changes. I could be way off - so feel free to ignore me! - I just wanted to raise the issue. I hear the love you have for her in the midst of the frustration for the behavior - and it IS loving to help someone get help, if it's needed.  

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@freemasonry Can you help ease her towards any kind of counseling that might help her? Not to "solve" her "money issues, " but simply because you love her and want her to be happy? We are all so very different and you sound like you are a very resilient person which has brought you far. Others do not have that makeup and need extra help - but they can be helped. Love is an amazing motivator.  

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@freemasonry Can the bills she is in charge of be put on auto-pay? Also meds are wonderful. I love mine (chronic depression/adhd, just on 20mg of fluoxetine and it's really enhanced my ability to do stuff - and to hold myself back from over spending)

Answer 13

I went through and outlined everything i was spending unnecessarily. it was HUGE for me. it’s gotten me started on realizing i was just blowing money on nothing. i’m a single mama with 15 mo old and we have SO MUCH STUFF but not a lot of money. what are your specific issues? not holding to the budget? over spending?  

Answer 14

I would go through the last couple months expenses to get a clear view of where the money is going. From there maybe you can use the debt calculator to show how you could make progress. I know showing my husband how quickly we could get out of debt and meet some goals if we stayed on track and did whatever we could was a great motivator for him to get on board

Answer 15

Eating out, buying Starbucks, cookies, and everything that looks under $5, $10 should be avoided because that money is going down a black hole.  

Comments

@colorful this is so spot on, simple when you realize it. just took me a long time.  

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This would also include all those bags of chips and snacks in other words things that everyone can live without and should avoid, which in turn saves you money at the dentist.  

Answer 16

I definitely say write everything out so you can see what your expenses are and see where you can cut down. Grocery pickup really helps with the stress of shopping with kids plus you can't be tempted by a bunch of extras. Cable can go if you don't have it. Shop around for other insurance/cell phone plans if you need to. Give her an allowance/spending fund that she can use or save up for something bigger - a fund just for her and not for the kids.  

Answer 17

You’ll find a lot of people who have run into that particular kind of road block. I think a lot of it is fear of the unknown-not feeling in control. Really sit down and work together. You may have to do the bulk of the leg work with doing the budget. But try to include her with it before it’s “finalized” for that paycheck. Hopefully she will come around as she starts to see benefit of it.  

Answer 18

Actually just tell her she does contribute cause if you had to pay someone to do what she does, your debt would be more than 80, 000!  

Answer 19

Go through the last few months of bank statements and categorize, see where the money is going and work together towards creating a spending plan/budget. Talk together about what you think you could improve on and how you can make the changes together. I saw on a previous post where you mentioned she has a lot on her plate, maybe ask her if it would be helpful to her if you took charge of finances and paid the bills, set up auto pay etc. I think it’s important to get on the same page and see where you both have made mistakes as well as good moves- finances can be a source of shame for many when we haven’t been smart with our money. But it’s always better to put those feelings out in the open and having a plan for how to get out of debt is a huge stress-reliever. I think Dave Ramsey has something similar, but we are using Crown Financial’s program and when we looked at the debt journey and the different destinations it was really helpful to see where we were and what the next steps were. Having a list of tasks in order of hierarchy helped me have a better feel of where to start and where to go next. But I would say that changing some perspectives is key. She doesn’t work . outside the home. but if she’s a homemaker she definitely works. And the savings you guys have by her staying home and doing things that would otherwise be outsourced like childcare, is a big help. She might just feel ashamed about that too. Also I know that I was using spending as a way to cope with stress and depression. Make sure all those things are not an issue. Dig deeper.  

Answer 20

Have you talked with your wife about how you’re feeling? Explained that you need here support and ask her what does she need from you as well? I have been in this situation and I’ve also been in your wife’s position as well. It’s two completely different points of view. Counseling may be beneficial as well.  

Answer 21

How much of that debt is house and how much is credit card? House debt is at least an asset. But if the credit cards are the higher part of that I would consider selling to pay off your debt and buy once you’ve got a better foundation saved.  

Answer 22

I'm sorry to hear she's unsupportive and misguided. Could you essentially tell her that u need her to work? That it's too much on your shoulders. Do u have family to help out with the kids?  

Comments

Bummer  

Answer 23

I literally just listened to a Dave Ramsey show where a husband called in with your story. Dave asked him if his wife has any mental health issues (surprisingly enough not to be a jerk, but because of a legitimate concern). Turns out that the wife is diagnosed with depression, so Dave told him to stop treating her as an equal but as someone with an illness and not let her touch any of the money. I'll look for the episode

Comments

I might not go straight from "unsupportive wife" to "mental illness and taking away access to money. " We don't automatically do that with the unsupportive husband situations we deal with in this group; we suggest a *lot of interim measures long before taking away an adult's access to money. My two cents' worth, if you ever want her as a financial ally, do NOT cut her out and infantilize her. She is already economically vulnerable and you can be sure she knows it; don't add to that by totally economically disempowering her. She's an adult. Fortunately there's a lot of real estate in between those two options. A lot of suggestions in this group for unsupportive husbands would also be helpful for an unsupportive wife. She is the one in the economically vulnerable position, and that is *not a nice feeling, especially if you're coping with anything else on top of that. Suggestions I've seen here in group that can help: --Sitting down with the numbers and talking them over with her (not *at her) so she sees the picture for herself; --Enlisting her as a partner (rather than sidelining her and not treating her as an equal, because being disempowered can exacerbate depression, if she's depressed), because you BOTH earn that money--with 3 kids, she works too; --Mutually agreeing on a monthly allowance so she doesn't feel trapped; --Putting together a draft budget and asking for her suggestions on how to strengthen it; --Putting the budget aside temporarily and talking about your goals as a couple, short-term, mid-term, long-term; --Having her make a list of ideas of where she sees you all in a year, two years, five years, ten years, which you two can discuss. And there are so many more ideas in group. Use the Search function and you'll have no end of ideas. It's very hard when your spouse isn't supportive and doesn't seem to be on the same page. Wishing you the best of luck!  

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Bottom line: Keep talking to her until you come to critical issues she really reacts to. Hone in on those and reassure her. You want to see her shoulders come down from around her ears. Then you know it'll work. Kudos to you for working through this process. It's not easy but it's well worth it.  

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@abrego19 we must be on the same suggestion list, LOL

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My hubs kept talking about the budget. It stressed me out. He would tell me he had to take money from savings all the time. I was like we will make more money ita all good. He finally sat me down with my laptop and he put the months income and the list of auto draft Bill's. I used it as a check ledger. When I spent i had to update the sheet. For the first fre months we sucked ok I sucked at it. Now I am better and hybrid budget mom

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We have separate accounts too, but I'm the one in debt. I also have a 6 digit student loan. He's super frugal and it's annoying AF that he always says NO! I started keeping track of everything in December and thought it was because of the holidays, then got nauseated when I calculated my January spending. I buckled down in February and have become my husband, not going to restaurants, saying no to events. The numbers scared me. I think your wife needs to see the numbers and maybe she'll react. You've gotten some sound advice. Good luck Joshua!  

Answer 24

I stay at home with my three kiddies and my husband works, we have a written budget we agree on together, yes, my job is to actually log on and make sure bills get paid but my husband sees where every dollar goes. One thing I’ve been very successful with in the last year since I haven’t been able to do any traditional part time work from home jobs is cutting expenses, through coupons (not many though), meal planning (cook as much as possible from scratch), money saving apps (fetch, ibotta for grocery pick up, pei), and also selling anything and everything we don’t need. Example- my twins just sized up in clothes so I listed all theirs and made $200 over this weekend between their old stuff, my 4 year olds old clothes and mine & my hubby’s old clothes. Sold a toy of my 4 year olds- $15 Yesterday, and a twin nursing pillow I don’t use now that the twins are 14months $30- over $245 this weekend alone  

Answer 25

Something we do is I have a seperate account as a person who has trouble with spending too much. So I have a dedicated amount to play with monthly and when it's gone, it's gone! I pay for groceries, clothes and any misc stuff we need. We put bills, medical appts and insurance on the main account. It's so freeing to be able to choose how to spend. My in laws do something similar, only he writes her a check for her account monthly

Answer 26

I would say your wife needs to get a job

Comments

It’s easy to bring someone else’s little to and from school, or sell a bit of scentsy or whatever and still stay home

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I have to disagree here. He said they have 80k in debt with 54 of that being a house, 13k being cars, and 10k being credit cards. They make plenty enough money. There is money being spent on unnecessary things somewhere. She has a job with 3 kids at home one of which is a newborn. I don't think this is the correct approach here. If hes ok with her being home and him being the sole provider then he needs let her know that it's not just HIS money its THIER money and he wants to figure this out together.  

Answer 27

We have a chalk board on the wall at home and I write how much he spent and categories and how much i spent and categories each month. But if you significant other doesn’t understand finances and the importance of saving and what it take to maintain a household just try to put it into prospective by using future plans and creating a timeline.  

Answer 28

Yup. Hubby got upset with me today. We are working on getting cured t before we can begin snowball. He’s upset that he doesn’t have the pocket money that he used to.  

Answer 29

Maybe the way ur explaining it to her frustrates her. Hear me out lol Due to her being home that is her job. It may sound like an allowance to her but motivate her with something. Like how would u like to take the kids to Disney world next year. If we want to do that here is what we have to do. Print the envelopes and some of the Friday freebies and get her on board. She may not be a numbers person so u may be on ur own. But say ok so in order to do this trip we have 300 for groceries a week in this envelope. Here is the gas money in this envelope etc. Have her just save the receipts in the envelope. That’s it as it may just be to over whleming for her. Motivation and positive vibes are key in this situation. She works hard at home I’m sure. Ask her what she needs for activists for the weeks etc.  

Answer 30

Your wife does work, maybe not bringing in income but it’s a tough job being a SAHM. On that note, Im a SAHM too but do all the expenses & he always blows the budget. Trying to figure it out too ‍♀️ It’s really tough!  

Answer 31

Yes. I feel your pain. So hard when someone else is not on the same page.  

Comments

@lipetsk57431 I'm in the same boat too.  

Answer 32

Have you tried sitting down and just talking the numbers with her? And not just taking but showing too? I bought the workbook and now my hubby and I do it together. We are slowly getting on the same page to pay off debt and save.  

Comments

@freemasonry we’ve been using mikos budget by paycheck workbook. She releases them in October. You can also get the digital version and print the workbook out. My husband was not the one budgeting and i was the one doing all the finances. Now that we can both see it written down communication has been much better.  

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@freemasonry I use mini envelope from the $ store, cheap and works!  

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But also:  
https://www.thebudgetmom.com/start-here/

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@unnecessary4 sign up to her newsletter and I believe u can get the Friday freebies

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@wed54309 thank you I did sign up for that and my husband and I read through her budget course together. We have plan in place and if everything goes well we will be credit card debt free next year.  

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@unnecessary4 yay!  

Answer 33

I think you need to sit down with your wife and set a plan. Go through the free email course first. Then make your budget, with your wife. I had debt when I met my husband. He paid it off completely but it did not teach me anything. which is why I'm here! Go through (together) the 3 months of your bank statements, credit cards, etc. Start highlighting all the fast food/coffee's in one colour, then with another colour do another category. Add each category up. You'll be able to see pretty quickly where your money is going! I was spending $400 a month on stuff. stuff we don't need! I found the envelope system really helpful! It keeps me on track! Regarding savings, just start! Even if all you can afford is $20/paycheck. It's more than you had before!  

Answer 34

Financial Peace Uni. Total game changer.  

Answer 35

Although my husband supports my budget journey (separate accounts) he doesn’t help . I’m learning to say no it’s not in the budget but it can be hard

Answer 36

I got the hard copy live rich planner but the bbp downloaded on my iPad is so much better to keep track of for me!  

Answer 37

Every darn DAY!  

Answer 38

Hubby wasnt excited about it and wasn't involved in any of the finances at first but since we've made progress and I've showed him what can happen he's getting more on board/interested. So i feel ya, it may take a little time. Also pay attention to their dreams & view on money. Even just acknowledging it can help

Answer 39

My husband and I did a Financial Peace University class together. I think it was well designed to get couples on the same page. Maybe bring it to her as a problem you need help with- I really want to provide well for the family and this debt is hanging over my head, how should I go about it? As the sole wage earner putting her on a budget without her input isn’t likely to go over well

Answer 40

If you have three children in your household, your wife DOES work.  

Comments

@galven76 not me.  

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Of course she works - he was simply stating not outside the home I believe is what he meant to give clarity for financial purposes.  

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@perrotta way to give props to a SAHM

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@perrotta why would you even comment that? He wasn't putting her down. He was explaining the situation he's facing

Answer 41

Hiya! I don't know if it would be beneficial to y'all but what if she became a notary? Great way to make $$ on the side of she made a fb page and promoted her business. She could make her own appointments when it suits her. Just a thought

Answer 42

Your wife needs to get a job or you’ll never get out of that hole.  

Answer 43

She could get a work at home job or a small business (MLM) to earn extra income. That’s a start to be able to have extra income coming in that can be savings. That’s the best if you can’t save with the income you make. Also downsizing some bills.  

Answer 44

Damn you sound like a very hard working man. Props to you sir.  

Answer 45

It took quite some time before my husband was really on board with the process but that was partly because of me. I have always managed the day to day finances and so we didn't talk about how the debt was weighing on me, I felt like it was my job as a wife to just make it work because he worked so hard. Start by explaining why this is important to you, becoming debt free. Whether she works or not, it is possible to work the program and get yourself financially free. Dave can be a bit much at first, so just start with writing your budget out together and make a plan for your money. Let us know if you need any help with the numbers, I am one of the mentors on here. You can do this!  

Answer 46

After two months, my husband is on board. We have been remodeling our house over the past 12 years and he said this weekend. "what if we take a break and not have any remodeling projects this summer? " I was so excited. Our debt needs a break from his trips to Lowe's! I now see light at the end of the tunnel!  

Answer 47

Stop worrying about the savings. You getting a tax return? Use that for EF. Pay off that debt. If you’re renovating you’re going to spend money. So get that finished and keep paying your debt. Dave Ramsey is a bit hard to follow sometimes. But creating a spending budget together for weekly spending on everything will help. Do you have the book?  

Answer 48

@freemasonry First off, may I CONGRATULATE you and your wife for making it work. It is VERY difficult in this day for one parent to be at home with the family. We did it for 10 years. My Hubby was on disability from a car accident. I worked fulltime and parttime, while he maintained the house, the kids and yes. remodeling jobs around the house. We found black mold in two older additions on the house and tgey BOTH needed to be gutted and rebuilt! We tried to get a home equity loan on the $23k out of our home but our credit scores were so bad not even our banks would approve us. Our insurance company paid us $10k for the mold damage repairs and we footed the other $5k on credit.  Our total debt was over $223k. We wound up having to sell our home (RIGHT AFTER 2 ADDITIONS were completed). We are now empty nesters and are renting. Our current debt is $56k. My Hubby was able to return to work last year and when we retire in 9 years, we plan to buy a small fixer upper in cash and live a quiet life.  

Comments

@freemasonry Oh no, I know. You're actually honoring her by seeking advice on how to continue to help.  Are there any avenues in the budget to cut back on? Even if only temporary? We used to cut cable every 6 months (& reconnect before the Superbowl).  

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@freemasonry it’s the little things that add up quick and without notice. Mine is dining out at drive through. $5 here and there doesn’t sound like much but than at the end of the month I’m shocked when it’s $300! It’s eye opening once you start tracking.  

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@freemasonry what job do you do that brings home $1800/week? My husband brings that home every 2 weeks. Would love to increase it!  

Answer 49

Any remodeling projects you can pause so you can build up the savings or free up some time to side hustle? We’re also a one income family and sometimes my husband drives Uber or waits tables to make some extra cash for us.  

Answer 50

I saw somebody mention something about no more coffees and eating out etc. my husband and I are bad about getting a coffee here and there or eating lunch out. We both work full time and have two kids so planning is sometimes hard and doesn’t happen. Let’s face it life happens and sometimes the $5 coffees happen too. My husband and I both agreed on a $60 misc cash budget every other week (pay day). We get this in cash and it’s our money to spend with no questions asked. So, if I want to blow it all on coffee I can and if he’s buying sodas at the gas station he can. When we first started this system we both blew through our money. Now I’m honestly saving between 30-40 of it every two weeks and so is he. We’ve been putting the extra money in an envelope in our house and we’ve saved almost $300 since November. This has also saved us from fighting about spending money on silly things. We want to be debt free and we have goals but we also want a bit of freedom still.  

Answer 51

I say really the most important thing to have is an emergency fund. If you can scrape the $1000 for that, it will put you in a much better place because you’ll have that cushion. After you have that, just focus on paying off the debt. If you or your wife can get a side hustle that would be super awesome

Answer 52

How old are the kids?