Question

Hello TBM Fam.  So, I have always had a really toxic relationship with money.Hello TBM Fam. So, I have always had a really toxic relationship with money. It's like an obsession. My biggest problem is eating out. Convenience stores, coffee shops, restaurants, etc. I don't dispise cooking, but I'm lazy. Let's just put that out there now.  As soon as I get money in my pocket, I want to go out to eat. I'll hit Dunkin payday morning, then whatever for lunch and want to hit a restaurant that evening, and so begins the eating out spree until next payday (or until I'm broke, which usually comes first). I will even short bills just so that I have money to spend on food and snacks. I don't even enjoy eating out anymore. It's just become an addiction or habit. Is it just me? Is this is an emotional issue rather than financial? I've been in this group before but never really put the budgeting to work. I have to do this. Now. I can't keep living like this. Financially or for health reasons. Thanks for letting me bust off.  

Answer 1

Same here. It’s awful.  

Answer 2

I would encourage you to go and seek help professionally. From my personal experience, this situation was a much deeper issue for me. Working through that in therapy changed more than just my spending habits. ♥️

Comments

@setscrew9235 ♥️♥️♥️

Answer 3

I second going to see a therapist! It sounds like it’s something much deeper than just poor spending habits. If you do go looking for a therapist, I also suggest in the meantime take a look to see if you can pinpoint any possible triggers. Take a quick stock of where you are mentally and emotionally when you feel the urge to go get something to eat to see if anything happened recently to trigger that urge

Answer 4

Remove your debit/credit cards from your wallet and only bring your gas/food money so you cant spend more than what you have set aside for eating out. You can do this.  

Answer 5

Agree with these ladies! It really can be an addiction or a way of controlling something around you. I had issues with alcohol and over spending. Now I’m a little obsessed with saving and have to be aware of my actions and make sure I’m not regulating my insides with outside forces. Talking to someone is super helpful!  

Answer 6

I feel this so much! What has helped me and my husband curb eating out is putting ourselves on an allowance. We know its not realistic for us to try to go 100% without, so we allot $100 each month for each of us to spend as we please. Its always done in cash though. It really opened his eyes to how much he was spending on food, and I still have $60 leftover this month to save for whatever I want. Seeing the money physically leave your wallet hurts a lot more than swiping that card. Also, talking to someone never hurts!  

Answer 7

There’s something driving you to do that. Was food scarce growing up? If your company had an employee assistance program you can often get free sessions with a therapist. It’s great that you have identified this pattern and want to change it. It doesn’t feel like progress but it’s huge.  

Answer 8

Sammmeee! I love buying make up and workout clothes! It’s like a pure rush when I buy them! I know it’s silly but it is been hard for me! We have been able to pay off our credit cards and that has definitely tempted me to spend too.  

Answer 9

So three things helped me with this type of issue, 1) I wrote down all of the spending I was doing eating out. I thought just cause I was getting a soda from McDonalds or something small it was nbd but it added up! 2. Then I calculated how much I made per hour so I could use that when contemplating eating out. So if I made $20 an hour, this meal out is costing me 1 or 2 hours of work, just to eat this meal out that I’m already not in love with, and 3. I make sure to always have something quick and easy that I can make at home in less than 5 minutes (soup, or pizza, or hamburger patties) so I don’t have the excuse that it’ll save time, cause it really won’t. ‍♀️Hope something there helps. You’re definitely not alone  

Answer 10

To help with the cooking/meal aspect. I only cook 4 or so meals a week, and then repurpose leftovers. I love cooking, but witha toddler it is a challenge. For example, yesterday I made roasted chicken, we cannuse that chicken in tacos (1 dinner), and as a topoing for baked potatoes (2 lunches). Tomorrow I'm making a beef roast for dinner in the crock pot, that will provide meat for sandwiches, stroganoff. I made pasta Saturday night, that did dinner Sunday, lunch on Tuesday. Etc. I'll make homemade pizza Friday night, which will provide leftovers Saturday and Sunday. (I'm pretty sure I'm missing a meal, but I'm toddler trapped and can't reach my planner. ) For the shopping part, I was the same way for a while. Simply not having any $$ with me other than exactly what I needed (i. e. $10 for gas at a time, or enough cash for grocery store) really helped. For me, I had to stop browsing, stick to my list. Grocery pick up really helped me a lot.  

Answer 11

I’m right there with you I’m over my food budget by 670 dollars and the month of feb is not over so ready for march

Answer 12

I completely understand what you mean! It’s something that I’ve struggled with as well. I have seen a therapist in the past and I can’t say enough how life changing that was. When you have a good therapist they will be a huge support and teach you different ways to cope. My spending has never been to the point where I have massive debt or anything- but I realized that I wasn’t saving money because my need to shop or eat out was so great. That instant gratification felt so good and fulfilling. My earliest memories of those feelings was when my mom would always take me shopping with her (my mom is a habitual spender) so I always associated that activity with happiness. But eventually I realized that after everything I was left with no savings and an empty feeling. So now I use cash envelopes and try my hardest to stick to the budget, track my spending habits (the progress I make excites me) and reward myself in little ways as opposed to reckless spending. Best of luck to you and just know that I am rooting for you!  

Answer 13

Maybe writing down how you feel when you buy the food will help if therapy isn't an option (I know it's get expensive and insurance doesn't always cover it). Might help give you insight into why you feel the need Does it make you feel like you have reached a certain lifestyle goal? Is it comforting? Are you feeling anxious? Those type of questions might help. Good luck, it's not an easy habit to break.  

Answer 14

Therapy to better understand your impulses would be helpful! I started seeing a Nutritionist in September, and I am amazed! It has been nothing like I expected. I figured we'd talk about what to eat, what not to eat, make menu plans, etc. Turns out, it's been ALL about changing my mindset and approach to food, focusing on caring for myself the same way I do for my children. I now eat a lot less, because I know it's okay to eat what I want if I choose to. And I make feeding myself a priority, so I'm making and eating a REAL breakfast everyday instead of skipping it, and I make my customers wait if it's time for a lunch break and they haven't made an appointment. It only takes 15 min to eat a bowl of soup, etc. I realized so many of my poor food habits and ingrained impulses to buy fast food were due to the fact that my body was starving! So cooking for an hour after a full work day and commute seemed terrible and dreadful. Dunno if your food choices are similarly rooted, but learning how not to guilt and punish ourselves, and allow ourselves to say "yes, I can choose this if I want it, " really does empower us to also say ". and right now, I choose not to. "

Answer 15

I hate cooking. What doesn’t help is I have two picky eaters that makes it easier for me to just order a pizza for dinner. I do okay with prepped breakfast and lunch but dinner is so hard. I pick easy grab and go things for breakfast- hard boiled eggs, turkey bacon cooked to reheat, yogurt, fruit.  

Answer 16

I think the cash envelope system could work really well for you. Setting limits with cash and removing the ability to swipe a card would give you the freedom you want.