Question

How do you get back on track after losing all motivation? I have gained 4 lbs. not much, and not unsalvageable at this point, but it will be if I don’t fix this soon. When mom died three weeks ago, I basically quit caring what I ate. With derailing comes more derailing. It doesn’t help that my dad is suicidal and won’t eat unless my sister and I bring him food. He throws a fit and says he’s going to die if he’s left alone. And he adds that “no grief is as strong as his grief”. So basically we aren’t allowed to grieve as he demands all the attention. I know my diet is basically the one thing I can control on this situation. As a teacher, the lack of routine is killing me here. Summer has always been hard since I’m out of the classroom. Just getting up and going to work kept me on track easier because I was busy all day. Now I just grade when I want and have gotten lazy. Tips? I’m thinking about putting up signs around my house to the variation of “you control what you eat” etc.  

Answer 1

Sorry for you loss - permit yourself time - you will get back on track - we all will eventually - this is an especially tough time

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear about your mom. Losing my mother was one of the hardest things I have had to live through. Your father is allowed to grieve as are you. What he is NOT allowed to do is manipulate you and your sister. I know you are afraid of you stand your ground with him he will do something. What I have learned with a child that had suicidal ideation you cannot control nor take ownership of what he does. If he attempts anything then you call 911 and have him committed for his own safety. Or tell him Dad if you are going to harm yourself then I have to choice but to commit you. Tell him you love him and you know he is hurting. You are willing to do what you can to help him but you are no longer willing to be treated badly. As for the food I think the signs are a great idea as well as maybe getting rid of all the unhealthy food in your place. Decrease your temptation. Again I am so sorry for your loss (hug)

Comments

@floorman94 we tried the commitment thing already. He made it clear that if he gets wind we are calling anyone he will make sure he’s dead before they get there.  

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So don’t let him get wind. It sounds like your dad needs help and he says that to manipulate you. I am so sorry you are going through this. I would call his doctor and talk to them. Let them know your fears. See what they say. There is also an organization called NAMI. It’s the National Alliance for Mental Illness. They may be able to help you too.  

Answer 3

My sympathy to you for the loss of your mom. give it time and get back on track. take care of yourself!  

Answer 4

Your father may need help from his doctor to cope with grieving. Mine did when my mother died.  

Comments

@printmaking yes I agree. I’m hoping he will agree to finding a therapist. He doesn’t like this psychiatrist and he was asking about my therapist the other day.  

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@selfforgetful24 also, you need your time to grieve. Just remember that you can't be all things to all people. I nearly went under trying to cope. You matter too. Good luck

Answer 5

Oh I am so sorry you are going through this anguish. My mom passed almost two years ago and I went through the same. My dad is still grieving daily for my mom. I also gained about 30 lbs because diet took a back seat to the pain. You need to allow yourself to grieve also. My dad would say the same thing that his pain is incomparable. But don't deny your pain and don't kill it with food. A good counselor for him and you may help. I took antidepressants for the first 7 months after mom passed. Take care of yourself. There is a Facebook group for motherless daughters that helps me too. Big hugs, take a deep breath and sometimes it's minute by minute turning into day by day.  

Answer 6

Food is not going to help. That’s what I have to remember. If I gain I will only feel worse. Eating healthy foods and doing exercise- sometimes very mild exercise- is better than nothing and it is self care and something to help me feel good and be healthy. I am struggling too . going through a separation- not as serious as your situation but it is so hard. If I fall off I will be more disappointed in myself. God bless!  

Answer 7

Sorry for ur loss my sincerest condolences

Answer 8

I’m so sorry for your loss! Looks like you have already been given good advice but you do need to take care of yourself other wise you will not be able to help others. Just acknowledging your issues is a start. Bless you & your family.  

Answer 9

So sorry for all you are going through . Reminders and positive quips around can help. I journal all the time when tempted. Then it is always back to tracking and control.  

Answer 10

I’m so sorry for your loss and the situation with your dad. Would it help if you set a timer for only one or two hours and have a planned healthy food to eat? It would give you something to look forward to and keep you on the plan. Of course you would have to have good food choices available. I try to eat something regularly so I’m not tempted to eat wrong things. Try to Focus on what you can do instead of the negative things. Just some of my thoughts. Let us know how it is going. You can do this one moment at a time.  

Answer 11

Oh Honey, I am so sorry for your loss and your problems. Please, please, please. care for yourself first. It is not selfish, it is necessary. There is no right or wrong in this grief process. Do what you can and let the rest go.  

Answer 12

I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious mother. My condolences and peace to you and your family.  

Answer 13

My sincere condolences to you and your family, may The Lord comfort you at this difficult time. Please try not to be too hard on yourself and start back when your ready ❤️

Answer 14

Take it a day at a time

Comments

@yatzeck that’s what I keep telling myself. Really trying to make myself go outside and walk bc I know I’ll feel better if I do. Just haven’t gotten the strength to do it yet

Answer 15

Your situation is special and I am going to include you in my prayers. Having said that, and I have lost my husband, both parents, and my only sibling, I understand something about grief. Your dad has no control that you don’t give him. And my grief counselor told me that everyone grieves in a different way. Make sure you maintain control of what is the most important item in your personal list. If food, control it. Track it and forget it. Don’t let an occasionL bobble keep you from your personal goal. I love you and know that when we can get to the other side, there will be so many of us who have gained the covid 19 five. I will be one. Keep your spirits up.  

Comments

@gaia9 just read in the paper it's called covid-15 that 15 meaning lbs people are gaining during this pandemic. Unfortunately I'm one of them

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@cramer87617  Im sorry. I’ve been on this since march, keep losing and gaining the same 2 pounds  now Im up four. So disheartening I know, we can do this, we can, we can! One day at a time ♥️

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@wealthy76579 I'm trying good 2 or 3 days! Then downhill. It's become a pattern. Restart tomorrow? Yes we can

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@cramer87617 yep, restart tomorrow  

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@wealthy76579 I'm holding us both to this together. Maybe we can report to each other? For accountability it may help

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@cramer87617 hmmm, maybe but I tend to sabotage myself and there goes my accountability. It just may set me into depression  

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@wealthy76579 no problem, the day will come going forward all the way every day. I feel my day is tomorrow

Answer 16

Prayers for you and your family.  

Answer 17

I’m so sorry for your loss and that you’re going through such a hard time with your Dad. Is there away to get him some counseling? Maybe you and your sister can go too. You and your sister need to take care of yourselves. Prayers for your family.  

Comments

@oringa yes i go to counseling twice a month. It’s helping some. He was asking me about my therapist bc he doesn’t like his psychiatrist. Hoping he will agree to find someone new.  

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@oringa perhaps a post schedule of who is coming and when would help your dad?  

Answer 18

I'm sorry about your loss of your Mother. You have a lot to contend with now.  

Answer 19

You come first in this situation, grieving is a personal thing. No rights or wrong. I lost my everything my Mom just 14 months ago. I'm very petite yes I turned to food for comfort. I gained a bit of weight. Then lost it! Now in this pandemic I've gained 15 pounds, not happy on my petite 5' frame. But with being out of my routine and missing my Mom more then ever with Mother a day coming up. I've lost my control over food. Take care of yourself first, grieve and my condolences. At some point something will click and you'll start gaining some control

Answer 20

I’m so sorry for your loss. I went through something very similar when my father died and I cared for my mother. No judgement here. I once ended up in a bar at 9 AM because the line for Starbucks was too long. True story. Talking with friends helped but hiring a caregiver was the ticket.  

Comments

@oreopithecus78639 I tried that but he turned them away. He has plenty of money but won’t pay for it. Wouldn’t even let them in when my sister offered to pay.  

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@selfforgetful24 Oh boy  Reminds me of my Dad! He was so stubborn about putting in safety bars etc for my mother I ended up calling social services. He was pretty mad but got over it . I miss them but don’t miss those times! Give yourself a break and when you can meal prep or find quick healthy takeout options. Chic Fil A grilled chicken nuggets are awesome

Answer 21

I am still struggling one day O feel optimistic and then another day I lost all hope

Answer 22

Be a friend to yourself. You suffered a great loss. Be kind to yourself. And know your mom is with you rooting for you to be alright and take care of her child

Answer 23

Go easy on yourself and your Dad. You are in the throws of deep mourning. Passing the time and taking care of yourself should be priority. It's a process. Let yourself gently heal.  

Answer 24

It’s so hard too get back on track what I did I started prepping my food and telling myself Mine over Food @hanky ‍♀️

Comments

Condolences to your Family ❤️

Answer 25

I will be praying for your dad and your family. My husband passed three years ago and my daughters were the only thing that kept me going. Even though we all grieved together, we also grieved alone. We still miss and talk about him daily. Be easy with yourself and you will be able to get back on track! We are here to encourage! I’m so sorry about your mother.  

Answer 26

You are going through a very difficult time. My Mother was just like your Dad. They put a lot of guilt on us. It is very difficult but you have to try to put yourself first and think of your own health. Do as much as you can to help your a Dad but don’t forget yourself.  

Answer 27

You can do this when my father passed I stayed in my computer room for 3 months I barely spoke only when I had to it's hard to loose a loved one my poor husband tried everything to help I couldn't eat then one morning I woke up to seeing my hubby and 3 boys and thought how selfish I was being so thank God it stopped good luck with your dad one day he will wake up and see your love for him also but it's going to take time don't forget to take care of yourself

Answer 28

Jennifer, I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. Please accept my sincere condolences. Hugs. It is ok you spent some time not caring what you ate but now is time to get back in control. You can do this in honor of your Mom. You know she would want you to be healthy. I would put put inspirational notes around my house to keep me motivated. Anything that might help you get from I

Answer 29

Lo siento.  

Answer 30

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve also been there as a caregiver to someone who feels the world revolves around them. Be especially kind to yourself as work through your grief. Do the best you can each day and try to make each day a little better. Sometimes the best we can do in life is tread water. At least you are mindful of what’s going on. Let that keep you tethered.  

Answer 31

Think deeply about your Whys, that helped me reach Lifetime. I know you can do this!  

Answer 32

Take time for yourself. Start your day with a walk. one step at a time . you can do it

Answer 33

It is a daily struggle. This is my 3rd day, so far so good.  

Answer 34

You have my sympathies. You have so much on you now and adding weight would just be one more thing. I drink water every time I want to stress eat. It gives me time to plan better choices. God bless you and your family.  

Answer 35

Jennifer, be gentle with yourself. It sounds like you have more than your share of problems on your plate right now. When you can, and you will, you can get back on track with the weight situation but right now, Breathe, take deep breaths and relax.  

Answer 36

So sorry for your loss.  

Answer 37

Am so sorry for your loss. Yes, everyone griefs different. Grief share is a wonderful group counseling for new widows n widowers. It helped me a lot when I lost my husband after 47 yrs. it gets better with time, we never forget them!  

Comments

@available fb group?  

Answer 38

I like the idea of your signs

Answer 39

Prayers for you. So sorry for all you are experiencing!  

Answer 40

I just found a picture of me at starting weight. OMG! I have stalled at 50# loss and struggling. I just taped it to the frig to remind myself how quickly I could be there again. I am so sorry for your loss.  

Comments

@sil4910 great idea. I need to find a pic of me from when I was thinner

Answer 41

I’m sooo sorry for you loss. such a tough time. Take care of yourself

Answer 42

So sorry for your loss! Praying for you and family!  

Answer 43

So sorry about your loss, but having cherished memories will help ease the loss. Grieving takes good amount of time, for now just try to maintain your weight.  

Answer 44

Sorry for your loss I still miss my mom after 19 years. Thank goodness for memories. Something I do know is eating doesn’t help, it made me feel worse. Take care and good luck

Answer 45

It’s so hard. I like the idea of the signs. I’m an emotional eater too and it’s almost impossible not to want to raid the refrigerator during times of doom gloom and depression which can also be brought on by others. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss of your mother

Answer 46

Be easy on yourself. You have a lot going on and the stress will not be helping the weight loss. Try making sure you drink a lot of water & eating fruit which may help keep you feeling full and curb any sweet cravings. But maybe aim to maintain rather than lose right now. Have one good day and one bad day. Dont overburden yourself with extra stress if you aren’t able. Deal with what you need to now and come back to this journey a bit later if you need to X

Answer 47

You have so much going on, give yourself some time and do baby steps. I will be praying for you and your family.  

Answer 48

At the virtual zoom meetings they just say hit the reset button. So reset and start again! Good Luck  

Comments

@boor18 sounds like my therapist! He says that a lot

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@selfforgetful24 having the same issue, Reset stuck in my head and we will move forward with this one ☝️! I’m sure “ One day at a time “